Yes, another review.

Don't like it? well you suck a cocksicle so you're not of importance to me anyways. At the very least, this is for an album that was released recently. I promise I'll make some non-review posts in the very near future anyways. Just shut up and read.

KATAKLYSM- Heaven's Venom (9/100)

Really, Kataklysm? REALLY??? This is the BEST that the band that wrote “Sorcery” can do? Honestly, these guys have been riding on their reputation ever since “Shadows and Dust” came out and every single album after it has just been the same recycled crap that never really seems to be written with any kind of vision in mind besides satisfying their whining fans who want a new album or filling out a contractual obligation with Nuclear Blast. This is some of the most limp-dicked “death” metal I’ve heard in a very long time.

From the first few seconds of A Soulless God, this album’s main flaw is very evident: Where is the fucking FURY??? Where is the gritty, nasty feel? Where is that explosive sound that was heard on classic songs like “Dead Zygote” and “Frozen in Time” that just tears your fucking FACE off and leaves you lying in a pile of your own filth because you just shat all over yourself due to the sheer intensity??? It’s fucking GONE. What’s left is something that sounds like Kataklysm, no doubt about it, but it’s a hollow shell of what they once were. There are times where this is reminiscent of mid-period Kataklysm like Epic: The Poetry of War and Shadows and Dust, but it just sounds so sterile and unmotivated, and resorts to a lot of slower sections that sound more like fucking groove metal than anything. Seriously, I vote we change Kataklysm’s genre tag to “Death/Groove Metal” because with every new album they’re starting to sound more similar to Six Feet Under (which, as we all know, is a terrible band to be compared to). I mean, cmon guys, if you’re going to call your style of music “Northern Hyperblast” at least try to fucking BLAST a little more, willya? Even when we do hear some of the trademark Kataklysm blasting that we all know and love, it’s really watered down and triggered as hell. Goddammit, Max Duhamel’s drumming was the driving force that fueled their past albums, it was always the backbone of the band, the one thing that kept their mediocre albums listenable and enjoyable, and you decide to castrate IT too? God fucking dammit.

The riffing on this album is just laughable. Although it’s not completely repetitive (they do flirt with more melodic and pseudo-black metal style riffing (Numb and Intoxicated kinda sounds like modern BM) on a few occasions), they’re some of the most boring, unspectacular riffs ever seen this side of slam death metal. None of them are going to get stuck in your head (barring perhaps the single “Push the Venom”, although that only gets stuck in your head the same way an alien parasite would get stuck in your head), and none of them even try to ATTACK you like they used to, the guitarists just seem to be content with playing middle of the road, wishy-washy riffs that have no real intention behind them. Now, Kataklysm’s never exactly been the pinnacle of creative or interesting death metal, but this release is the one where their shitty riff construction finally catches up to them and becomes the elephant in the room. On most of their 21st-century releases, they managed to barely stay above the line of mockery with what little charm they had (even In the Arms of Devastation and Prevail had their moments) but at this point, the magic is gone. The thin veil that masked the fact that Kataklysm haven’t really been good for a long while is gone, and their true colors are showing.

Is shit like this really even necessary? With listen after listen this album does not reveal any reason why it should exist. This isn’t going to be anybody’s favourite album, the band isn’t claiming that this is their “heaviest record yet” (and if they are, they’re bullshitting themselves no matter how you look at it), and this is the musical definition of “rehashed”. This isn’t extreme, this isn’t memorable. This isn’t even CONSISTENT, as they try to fuck around with different types of melodies and different speeds, which only results in even larger shitburgers. For example, the closing track, Blind Saviour. I think they were going for a more “crushing” feel by slowing the track down, but do you know what happens when you take boring riffs and play them at half speed? THEY GET EVEN MORE FUCKING BORING. It’s like these guys are trying to fail in every imaginable way.

This is completely and utterly worthless, and something tells me Kataklysm is well aware of this. It seems they’re perfectly content with throwing together whatever comes to mind without any conviction or emotion behind it. They have embraced mediocrity, and I for one will not stand for this. This isn’t the absolute worst piece of music ever written, no, but who buys a whole album for a half-decent riff every now and then? I sure as hell know I don’t. I demand more out of my music than that, and you definitely should too. A big middle finger to Maurizio Iacono and company for thinking that this half-assed bullshit will pass for decent death metal.