I would have rather shoved my ass up my ass then watch this movie

Paranormal Activities 2. Could it have blown anymore camel cock! I mean like really the first 45 minutes of the movie was absolutely nothingness! The only good part in that movie was when the guy said he need to release the cracken and then took a shit. And if that is the only good part in a movie then you know it must stank more than a pedo dinosaur that just game out of a bath tub full of mustard and aged walrus jizz. (aka Barney) The genre should have been comedy considering me and the entire audience were almost in tears from laughter from the fakeness of movie. i have never heard so many people say they wanted a refund after a movie. if you want a summary it was pretty much michael jacksons ghost trying to molest a little boy with a bit of falling pans, epic electric slide, and other random shart!

out of 10 i would give it a negative -6.5 if I'm being generous!

PineapplePie XD

Bob and Jeff's Big Adventure

So...remember that post I made a while back where I talked about a new movie? A new movie that I refused to reveal more details about? A new movie that I claimed would cure cancer?

...well, maybe not that last one.

Anyway, it's finally here. Bob and Jeff's Big Adventure. You can watch it here, or go over to the Youtube channel if you happen to really like clicking and typing.



So yeah. Cliffhanger ending. That project required me to take over 900 pictures of Lego people. As you can tell, it could still be a lot better. "But Trigger!" I hear some of you shout. "Trigger! Will we ever see the thrilling conclusion? Will we ever find out what happens to Bob and Jeff?"

The answer? Yes. Yes, you will. It may not be tomorrow, it may not be the day after, but someday, I will finish up this video. I may even make more after that. Just know that this isn't the last you'll be seeing of Bob and Jeff.

Also, keep your eyes open for the rest of the stuff I mentioned in my last post. It'll be posted as soon as I get a chance, but right now I have to go make brownies.

- Keep going nowhere.

UPCOMING CRAP

Since I haven't posted in a while, I thought I might just let y'all know that I am, in fact, still alive, and CRAP mid-sentence I just read Trigger's latest post and realized that it's quite a bit like this one will be. Ughh. Whatever.

dealwithit.gif

(I love saying that)

*cough*
Anyway. As I said, I'm still alive, and plan to continue staying alive while bringing the blog some exciting and wonderful additions. I'm not currently working on anything specifically for TMTN (and have little to no idea what I would do in that situation), but there's a few things in my queue (and 'done' pile in some cases) that would be fitting for it and that may be available in the future. INCLUDING:

•  an eight-or-more-panel comic strip that I have to draw for my English class reading contract
• some preparation sketches for said comic strip
• A travel brochure for the Mortmain Mountains, also for reading contract
• more of my songs, getting steadily crappier as time goes backwards (with a few exceptions)
• a BCB Art Meme which may make no sense if you don't read the comic (Protip: READ IT)
• a dialogue assignment for English that I'm actually super proud of
• now that I think of it, any assignments that I did for Creative Writing last year as well that I like and can find

...that's all I can come up with at the moment. As for WHEN you might see these...Songs, assignments, and my sketches are already done, so expect to see those relatively soon. BCB Meme, comic, and brochure may only be available if and when I get a tablet (I mean, come on, I've been wandering around from person to person saying GIVE ME A FREAKEN TABLET NAO and my birthday and Christmas are coming up :3), so unless I have to suck it up and mouse-draw because people don't get me what I want, those won't exist for a while. (not until late November at the earliest.)

I can fill that space though
spacefillerspacefillerspacefiller
WATCH ME DO SO nyarhar

Whatever. I'm tired. It's really too late to be blogging.
Screw you all and goodnight.

A very musical review

Broadway Moshpit here, with a CD review thats a bit late but oh well shut your mouth you all get enough CD reviews with metalhead here. :)

LAWNMOWER DEATH:
DEAR GOD THERES SO MUCH BLOOD EVERYWHERE (VOLUME VII)
44 sweaty Metallica shirts out of 50...

KIDDING!
I'm kidding. This isn't a metal review (although Lawnmower Death IS a real band- look it up). No, this is a soundtrack review ladies and gents. Thought it be a nice change of pace. :)

Scott Pilgrim VS. The World (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack):
A masterpiece for hipsters, semi-enjoyable for everyone else.
69/100
For anyone who saw Scott Pilgrim VS. The World, you know it was a quirky, comedic movie, being enjoyable for all the indie kids out there, and numerous others. I liked it personally because of all the video game references, and the fact that the secondary lead character was hilariously homosexual. But enough of that. The soundtrack for the movie features quite a few artists, more noteably the bands Metric, T-Rex, The Rolling Stones, and Beck. The other bands on there I've never heard of. Ah well. That's hipster for you.
Moving on, the CD also features music from Sex Bo-Omb, Scott Pilgrim's band in the movie. The first song on the Album by the band, (We are Sex Bo-Omb), is actually pretty decent. The guitar and bass bring forward a crunchy, gritty sound not yet heard, and it's quite refreshing. The only problem is that same creative sound gets a little less created every time you hear a new song by Sex Bo-Omb... because all their songs pretty much sound the same.
The rest of the soundtrack is decently agreeable, and there are a few funny bits, like the 12 second song by 'Crash and the Boys' which is just them crying "SOOOOO SAD!", and an 8-bit sega remix of a Sex Bo-Omb song.
Overall, this soundtrack isn't anything to cry home about, but if you're a die hard hipster, wearing those neon clothes and listening to bands that don't exist yet, by all mean, go and by it, you'll probably love it. As for all the rest of you stereotypes, I'd recommend borrowing it from said hipster friend.
Top Tracks: We Are Sex Bo-Omb, Black Sheep, Threshold (8-Bit)

I'm Just Such A Good Person

Looks like October's gonna be a great month for all of you readers out there. Coming to you soon, I'm gonna be bringing you all kinds of stuff to watch and read. There'll be a new edition of Reviews of Not So New Games, some more exciting impromptu awesomeness from Nathan vs. Communist Dictator, a cell phone video shot during a very boring Careers class one day, a new movie (if you want to know more, you'll have to wait until I upload it...which may be a week or two), and maybe even a new Nowhere Fast, all coming at you before Halloween. That's more new stuff than you can shake a stick at. Don't try, though.

I hope you'll bear in mind that these things take time, and my life is busy enough as it is. Even while writing this, I'm supposed to be making a Powerpoint for some volunteer work, but I'm currently ignoring that obligation to let you guys know what's going to be happening over the next little while. Add to this the fact that I've got several school projects on the go right now, and I don't think you can blame me if I occasionally have to put off working on the blog.

That being said, I'm gonna do my best to have all of the stuff mentioned above posted before October 31st, though it won't all be uploaded at once. More likely, I'll upload a new thing every few days or so. I think you'll agree that it's worth keeping an eye on this page for the next little while.

- Keep going nowhere.

NEW LOGO

We here at Ten Minutes to Nowhere now have a new logo! Now featuring the characters of all six Nowhere Writers! Check it out below!



So, in addition to those characters you already know, we have the two new additions of BroadwayMoshpit and Nikkoliah, seen here in the suit and green shirt, respectively, since I knew they wouldn't much appreciate it being implied that they were shirtless in this. BroadwayMoshpit is shown here with a stylish top hat, while Nikkoliah is sporing a perhaps even more stylish propeller cap.

Anyway, this is now our official profile pic on Facebook and Twitter, so if you needed a reason to check out either of those two pages, well.....actually, if you haven't done so already, I doubt this picture will make much of a difference. But check 'em out anyway.

Stories From Nowhere: Pokemon Battle

So, I'm again going to be starting up a new feature, this one called Stories From Nowhere. These will basically be whatever the hell I feel like posting, from rants to things that have happened to be, to god knows what. The first of these Stories From Nowhere is about a conversation SoulExtractor (Nathan) and I (Mitchell) had on MSN one day when we were both very bored. I came up with the idea of doing an impromptu text-based Pokemon battle, and this is the (unfinished) result. As of yet, the battle is still unfinished, but I'll post more of it once it gets completed. Keep in mind while you read this that this was entirely made up on the spot. None of it was planned out beforehand. So, without further ado, I give you: Nathan vs. Communist Dictator!


Mitchell says: 
> a wild COMMUNIST DICTATOR APPEARS 
> choose your pokémon! 
Nathan says: 
> umm...i choose VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO! 
Mitchell says: 
> Trainer NATHAN uses VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO! 
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR gets first move! 
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR uses GOVERNMENT PROPAGANDA! 
> it isn't very effective. 
> what will you do? 
Nathan says: 
> select attack: ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT 
Mitchell says: 
> VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO uses attempts to assassinate COMMUNIST DICTATOR! 
> VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO slips on an (in)conveniently placed BANANA PEEL! 
> VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO sulks in a CORNER about his FAILURE! 
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR uses RALLYING SPEECH! 
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR's attack increases dramatically! 
> what will you do? 
Nathan says: 
> select attack: REBELLIOUS PROTEST 
Mitchell says: 
> VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO uses REBELLIOUS PROTEST! 
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR auto-counters with CRUSHING MILITARY MIGHT, but MISSES! 
> CRITICAL HIT! 
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR loses 3796 HP! 
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR's current HP level: 6204/10000 
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR uses ICH BIN EIN KICKASS! 
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR executes a BRUTAL AFFRONT! 
> VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO bears the brunt of the FATAL ATTACK using his MAIN CHARACTER STATUS! 
> what will you do? 
Nathan says: 
> select: GATHER A FOLLOWING OF FELLOW PROTESTERS 
Mitchell says: 
> VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO uses GATHER A FOLLOWING OF FELLOW PROTESTORS! 
> your RAGTAG GROUP OF HIPPIES AND RAGAMUFFINS sits outside GOVERNMENTAL OFFICES and sings MONOTONOUS CHANTS concerning your MILD DISPLEASURE! 
> your PULCHRITUDE increases slightly. 
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR uses MILITARY CRACKDOWN! 
> it's super effective! 
> your RAGTAG GROUP OF HIPPIES AND RAGAMUFFINS has been defeated! 
> VALIANT BUT CLUMSY HERO takes MINIMAL DAMAGE! 
> what will you do? 
Nathan says: 
> Select: SET SELF ON FIRE IN PROTEST TO RALLY MORE FOLLOWERS 
> if it works for the zen buddhists, it'll work for me. 
Mitchell says: 
> VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO uses SET SELF ON FIRE IN PROTEST TO RALLY MORE FOLLOWERS! 
> VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO's MAIN CHARACTER STATUS laments VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO's seemingly persistent ATTEMPTS TO KILL HIMSELF, but chalks it up to HORMONAL IMBALANCE! 
> the MAIN CHARACTER STATUS absorbs all of the damage from the DANGEROUS AND FIERY FIRE! 
> you do begin to feel an UNCOMFORTABLE RASH cropping up on your REAR END, however 
> in the meantime, FOLLOWERS flock to your position, ALLYING with you and TRIPLING your ATTACK 
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR's DEFENSE DECREASES as he EMPATHIZES with your EXTREME MEASURES 
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR uses EMOTIONAL MONOLOGUE! 
> his SYMPATHY-DRAWING PLEA FOR UNDERSTANDING confuses HALF OF YOUR FOLLOWERS. they will no longer respond to ORDERS. 
> what will you do? 
Nathan says: 
> I counter with RALLYING SPEECH THAT CRITICIZES COMMUNIST DICTATOR'S METHOD OF GOVERNING 
Mitchell says: 
> VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO uses RALLYING SPEECH THAT....oh, you get the goddamn point 
Nathan says: 
> you coulda just copied and pasted. 
Mitchell says: 
> VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO's counter FAILS because of the BREAKING OF THE FOURTH WALL 
Nathan says: 
> select: HIT ALL OPPOSED TO MY PROTESTS OVER HEAD WITH PICKET SIGNS 
Mitchell says: 
> VALIANT BUT CLUMSY HERO uses HIT ALL OPPOSED TO MY PROTESTS OVER HEAD WITH PICKET SIGNS! 
> as VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO approaches the nearest NON-BELIEVER, the man pulls a GUN and POINTS IT CASUALLY IN THE HERO'S DIRECTION 
Nathan says: 
> OSHIT 
Mitchell says: 
> THE HERO DECIDES TO TARGET A NEARBY GRANNY INSTEAD. 
> GRANNY counters with EAT COOKIES, BITCH 
> VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO suffers MINIMAL DAMAGE and GAINS SOME WEIGHT. 
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR spends his turn LOLLING AT VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO's PREDICAMENT


* * *


There you have it. As you can tell, it's still very much unfinished, but the rest will be posted once an ending is reached.


- Keep going nowhere.


EDIT: I've figured out that copy-pasting really, really screws with the font on these post things. As it is, in order to get this post to actually show up in the normal colour., I had to change the text colour to white, so I can't see what I'm writing unless I highlight it. Even the size and type of the font got messed with. Rest assured that for the next time I try something like this, I'll figure something out, but for now I'm too lazy. Continuity can suck it.
DOUBLE EDIT: Managed to seemingly fix everything except for weird double line breaks, and this much I can live with. The text colour and font seem to have reverted, though as I'm typing this the font in the text box looks a little weird. I'll take it, though. Seems like the best I'm gonna get.

METAL REVIEW: Evil Survives- Metal Vengeance (88/100)

I finally had enough dead time on my hands to get one of these reviews done. I really want to keep up the pace with my writing, but school and my laziness have kinda been bogging me down. Hopefully I'll get more of these done in the future, because there are a lot of really good albums out there that people should know about and a lot of shitty albums out there that I should warn people to avoid. Which reminds me. If you want me to review that one shitty album you love, feel free to drop me a line. Can't promise I'll be nice though. In fact, expect me to spew verbal venom about it....I'm kinda rambling here, so I'll just go right ahead and post the review.

EVIL SURVIVES--METAL VENGEANCE

If there’s one thing trad metal needs to have in order to be successful, it’s the rock n’ roll attitude. Whether a band exerts that attitude through their music or their image doesn’t matter, as long as it’s present. It’s pretty hard for any band to fail if they really put their all into playing their music, and that is inevitably the reason why Metal Vengeance is deserving of praise. Yes, it doesn’t always sound good, per se, but it never fails to keep you interested or entertained for the duration of the record. I liken it to bobbing for apples if you didn’t have any teeth. Sure, it’s really uncomfortable and awkward at times when you can’t exactly replicate what other people with teeth had done back in the day (Iron Maiden and Satan, to give a few easy examples) and you’re spilling water everywhere, but you’re having stupid fun the whole time and the rare occasion that you actually manage to pull out an apple is awe-inspiring.

What I meant behind that last analogy is that Evil Survives is sloppy as hell. The songwriting has all the coordination and subtlety of staggering drunk- everything on this album is in-your-face and everywhere at once. These guys jump from riff to riff almost suddenly, often throw choruses and solos out of nowhere, and have a vocalist that seems to be ad-libbing half the time. The bass twists and turns its way in and out of the forefront of the album in a stumbling, yet oddly interesting fashion. But none of that really matters in the long run, because, like the drunk, even though Evil Survives staggers about and often go off track and aren’t very graceful, they still have a purpose; they eventually wander home or find a taxi or something. Their songs actually have a destination- even though their delivery isn’t all that fantastic they still manage to get the point across. They manage to do so without blatantly plagiarizing any other band, either. Yes, the Maidenesque influences are still very present, but unlike most bands formed in the 21st century who play in this style, (I’m lookin’ at YOU White Wizzard) they don’t simply try to emulate this tried and true sound to the best of their ability, they actually expand on it, adding their own little spices and tinges.

I mentioned the vocalist in passing in that last paragraph, and I’d like to add a little more detail to what I said earlier, because the vocals on this album are indeed worthy of a review of their own. They’re frantic, aggressive, sometimes horribly tuneless and reminiscent of a 13-year-old metal fan singing along horribly to his favourite Maiden song, they’re friggin GREAT. Even though they’re not pitch-perfect in tone all the time (or almost any of the time for that matter) or have any sort of flow or grace, Karl Warkentin always seems to know exactly how he should sing to fit the current feel of the song. He’s got a great ear for the music and is really putting 110% into what he’s doing. He’s far from my favourite vocalist because it’s near IMPOSSIBLE to sing along to any of his vocal lines (you won’t hear me randomly bursting into a melody-deprived screeching of “CAN’T STOP…CAN’T STOP…THE VAAAAAMPIRE AMBUUUUUSHH” anytime soon) but he does have his moments, and when those moments occur, it’s fantastic. A random example of one of these moments off the top of my head would be the “whoa oh ohhhhh” section of the song “Metal” which is without question one of the highlights of the album. It's the first time the album really "clicks" after flailing around with the energetic opening track (Evil Will Survive) and the first half of the song.

Ah, but what would the realm of traditional metal be without its fair helping of cheese? Fear not, my friends, because this album has more cheese than a fucking Immortal video. While the crazy-ass falsettos that I should have mentioned in my previous paragraph certainly play a part in contributing to this ridiculous dairy factory, a lot of the overall cheese factor of this album draws from the lyrical themes, (in this day and age, it’s nearly impossible to write a song about vampires without it sounding really fucking ridiculous) the gratuitous amount of solos scattered throughout (solos aren’t cheesy by default, but the ones found on Metal Vengeance are. They’ve got too much widdly widdly widdly and not enough doo dee doo doo doo in them, y’know what I’m saying?) and the “happy” nature of the music. Even though there’s a lot of underlying grit in the guitars, the good ol’ galloping NWOBHM guitar leads make it really difficult to listen to some of these tracks without blushing just a little bit. This album is, in the vaguest sense of the term, a “guilty pleasure” of mine. I realize that there’s a lot of glaring flaws about the album that the band don’t care about enough to even ATTEMPT to hide, but I simply turn the other cheek and keep banging my head. Something about these songs just gives me that giddy feeling that makes me want to listen to it over and over again- I wasn’t quite sure how to describe it, until I looked at the album art for this release- it depicts a young, naïve boy being swept into the fantasy that is heavy metal. That may not be exactly what the image was trying to portray, but the image still shows what I mean: This album contains all the little elements that make this NWOBHM style magical. The goofy lyrics, the galloping riffs, the stylistically amorphous, charismatic vocalist, the fancy solos- it all just amounts to a delicious helping of SHIT THIS SHIT IS FUCKING AWESOME. They may not have the most monumental riffs or catchiest choruses and sometimes sound a little unsure of what they should be doing, but Evil Survives is metal to the fucking bone. Their music sweats pure steel from every single pore and listening to this album hearkens back to the good ol’ days, when you were a zit-faced cretin whose balls had yet to drop, listening to Number of the Beast or Master of Puppets or Painkiller for the first time, unaware of what lay ahead. Back when metal was a completely new world for you. This album recaptures that immaculate feeling that one gets from discovering something new and strange and wonderful, and even if it lacked everything else that made it great, I’d STILL highly recommend it for this reason. This isn’t essential, but makes a fantastic addition to any metal fan’s collection.

Chrispy indeed

So I like to listen to metal just so were clear, but I will sometimes step into the odd world of techno and these last couple of days I have done just that and I was guided to a man who goes by the name of ChrispyDubstep. Chrispy is a badass when it comes to dubstep in my opion and over 1,000,000 views I would say in the opion of many other too. So look him up on Youtube and jugde for your self. I will recommend Roll out, his remix of tik tok, and his remix of bulletproof. Enjoy

Review

Shalomm TMTN viewers! Yes, it has been a long time since I posted. But coupled with my laptop going in for repairs, and my hectic schedule, I just don't have time anymore to post. UNTIL NOW!
That being said, I now bring you a review of a graphic novelsI have been reading.
Maus: A survivor's tale, Book 1: My father bleeds history
95/100
 Maus is part memoir, part autobiography, part graphic novel, and overall, quite brilliant in its design. The story tells the tale of Art Spiegelman (the writer and illustrator), a cartoonist , who is learning the life story of his holocaust survivor father, Vladek. The author/illustrator brilliantly incorporates the narrative of Vladek's story along with the subplot of Vladek's own personal life, and Art's struggles with his own emotions and his father's stubborness. It should also be mentioned that the cartoonist portrays the characters as different animals, primarily with Jews as mice and cats and Nazi Germans. I personally think this is a brilliant cartoon metaphor, almost alike to Tommy Douglas's 'Mouseland' speech. (If you don't know who he is, shame on you.)
The story is as emotional as any memoir, but the cartoons of these mice, in human clothes and settings, just bring Maus up to a newer, bigger level. The story runs very smoothly, transitioning from Vladek's Holocaust flashbacks, to the present day interview with Art.
Combining something as dramatic as a Holocaust tale with such a typically low key style as a graphic novel is a bold move, but Art Spigelman manages to pull it off beautifully.
So, therefore, this book is a
*BROADWAY BOOK OF THE WEEK*
(Catchy, huh?)
If you're l

Reviews of Not So New Games: Red Dead Redemption

I think I'm gonna start up a new thing to post about every once in a while. As you can tell, the videos are on an indefinite hiatus, partially because I'm lazy and partially because my computer has started running slower than a lizard in Antarctica. As of right now, every one minute spent making a video would come at the cost of about two minutes waiting for this machine to do what I tell it to do. This is by no means an ideal situation.

So, in the spirit of giving people something even if it's worse than what they're used to, I'll be doing a lot of text posting on pretty much anything I decide to, perhaps even with some recurring features. These features may even continue on once my computer decides to cooperate again.

The first of these features stems a lot from personal experience. It's very common that I'll wait and buy video games several months (or even a year or two) after their release date. Why? Because I still get to play the game, the price has usually been knocked down between ten and twenty dollars, and the online play generally has a fair amount of people without being overcrowded. This also gives the added bonus of having more time to figure out if you think the game will be good or not. And so, in case you want to take this option as well but aren't sure what to get, I present to you, Reviews of Not So New Games. The first subject of these reviews is Red Dead Redemption, which, as I said in a previous post, I picked up a couple weeks back. The game was actually released back in late May, and I contemplated buying it, but decided, as usual, to wait a while. And here we are.

I won't go much into the plot of the game, considering I have no spoiler tags at my disposal and I don't want anybody targeting their death rays at my house because I ruined the story for them. What? I'm the only one with a death ray? Well, still. Better not to take chances.

Basically, Rockstar Games has done what they do best. They've taken a game that goes above and beyond your standard M-rated fare where you shoot people, steal things, along with occasionally doing both at the same time, and they've moved it into the Wild West. This also adds the perks of people not always running away screaming when you pull out a gun, as well as being able to hear the hilarious but seldom-used word "wench" on a semi-regular basis, sprinkled around some more colourful language. While the GTA creators have swapped out cars for the more time period-fitting horses, the addition of a few fast-travel systems à la Assassin's Creed II allows you to get pretty much anywhere you want, provided, of course, you know where you're going.

And knowing where you're going is, indeed, more difficult than it sounds. The RDR world is literally sprawling, with miles of land for you to pillage and plunder throughout the game. While this land is, as you would expect, primarily open desert, there are a few towns filled with people, along with randomly appearing hunters and cowboys that you can encounter during your travels, so the only sense of scarcity that you get is one that makes sense.

Speaking of people encountered during your travels, every once in a while you'll run into people who could use a hand with something. Usually the favour is more pressing than simply giving them a cup of sugar to help bake a cake. One of the commonly occurring problems in towns, for examples, seems to be stopping people from stabbing prostitutes to death. To answer the question you might be asking, no, it doesn't happen to anybody else. Just prostitutes. Yeah, it's a little odd. Also, if you're hoping I'm gonna make some "stabbing/penetration" joke, look elsewhere. I mean, I have to draw the line somewhere. Probably. Anyway, these events usually have a couple different ways they can play out, largely based on how you react. For example, in our previously mentioned example, you can either stop the person from stabbing the prostitute, or not stop him. This obviously results in the prostitute either dying or not dying, both of which can have benefits. These events typically dole out some minor rewards: a few dollars; an increase to your notability, which makes people recognize you more; as well as altering your "honour", which can be either positive or negative. This basically acts as the game's karma system, as people with negative honour will have much more trouble with sheriffs and such coming after them, whereas those with positive honour can get discounts at stores and will find it ironically easier to bribe the law enforcement to leave them alone. Negative honour is, as usual, easier to gain, with the most effective method seeming to be just pulling a gun and shooting anyone who gets in your way.

The game's combat is also pretty easy to get used to. While the cover system can be finnicky at times, leading you to be caught on the wrong side of both a wall and a shotgun, the main character's "Dead Eye" ability (which is effectively your run-of-the-mill bullet time) quickly tips the odds back in your favour. As the game goes on, you uncover new and exciting ways to dispatch your foes with reckless abandon, including the cartoon-y and always fun method of lassoing them, tying them up, and throwing them on a train track. Note that this method is not limited to killing enemies, and, as shown by numerous Youtube videos, also works on nuns. No joke.

The plot seems to be standard Western fair, and pretty much takes a backseat to the scope of the environment and different opportunites to just mess around. That being said, don't write this off as another game you play just because of the open world. The characters are all individual and well-developed, and the plot is actually pretty engaging. As I haven't played through it all, I can't offer too much of a scope as to how long it is, but my bet's on somewhere around 20-30 hours; if, that is, you do nothing but play through story missions.

There are plenty of ways to get distracted in this game, with optional sidequests available from certain characters, various challenges to complete at different ranks such as sharpshooting and hunting, and even the temptation to just go out and explore the world. This is the first open-world game I've played where I legitimately wanted to take some time away from the missions to just go and look around.

The multiplayer experience is also quite well done, with the multiplayer lobby being composed of the entire single-player world. While online, you can ride around and link up with other players to from "posses", and from there you can start a variety of standard multiplayer games, such as deathmatches and CTFs, or just ride around, partake in some hunting or other pastimes, or even do some specifically adapted missions similar to those in the similar campaign. The newly added downloadable "Liars and Cheats" pack even adds in the ability to play poker and liar's dice with your friends online, along with some other features. I was a little disappointed by the lack of split-screen, particularly in the campaign, as the game design could lend itself very well to a co-op experience, but I can understand that the plot wouldn't fit the idea.

The tech specs of the game are also done very well. The animation of characters is about on par with what we've seen from previous Rockstar Games: nothing incredibly special, but pretty decent. The environments, however, are done quite well. Likewise, the sound quality is good and the characters' voices all fit their subjects, making it a very good experience.

All in all, I'd say Red Dead Redemption is well worth the money. It's one of the best open-world games I've ever seen, and if you're a fan of Rockstar's other works, buy it. No question.

***

And, there you have it, the first edition of Reviews of Not So New Games. I know it's long. Very long. But bear in mind the others will probably be more to the point. Like it? Don't? Too bad.

Keep going nowhere.