Ten Minutes to Nowhere

Oh hey, it's me.

2010-11-01T00:27:00.000-04:00

Good observation, title. I drew this like a week ago and just haven't felt like uploading it until this very moment. Which is kind of annoying, because I just got back from trick-or-treating and I'm kinda tired. bleh. BUT IMMA POST AND IMMA LIKE IT GOSHDARNIT.

I basically drew this because 1) I made a really similar cartoony portrait of my friend Erica and decided I wanted one for me too and 2) I wanted to practice the angle where I'm looking over my shoulder. I just think it's a really awesome angle mmkay don't judge me.

Speaking of the Ericadrawing, which I don't feel like putting on here, (It's on my other blog which I don't feel like linking to) the colours on that one are a little more...well...coloury. It's because I scanned this one in grayscale at 600 resolution and the other one in colour at 300 resolution. In retrospect, I should have done what I did on the other one because that kind of sepia-toneish glow looks super purdy.

Also, here we see me in a shirt that I would probably not wear in everyday life. Why? Because it's the only type of shirt I can draw and get right from this angle. I'm just experimenting with it right now. Jeepers. And it's not like I've been really into drawing my whole life, either...I've always enjoyed it, but I never really cared about sharing my stuff until I started getting into webcomics.

Speaking of which, I was Lucy from BCB for Halloween :3 My official story was being a white kitty. But I wanna show the BCB people pics and maybe they'll worship me or something.

I'm gunna sign off because I should sleep. Screw you all and goodnight.

I would have rather shoved my ass up my ass then watch this movie

2010-10-31T01:02:00.002-04:00

Paranormal Activities 2. Could it have blown anymore camel cock! I mean like really the first 45 minutes of the movie was absolutely nothingness! The only good part in that movie was when the guy said he need to release the cracken and then took a shit. And if that is the only good part in a movie then you know it must stank more than a pedo dinosaur that just game out of a bath tub full of mustard and aged walrus jizz. (aka Barney) The genre should have been comedy considering me and the entire audience were almost in tears from laughter from the fakeness of movie. i have never heard so many people say they wanted a refund after a movie. if you want a summary it was pretty much michael jacksons ghost trying to molest a little boy with a bit of falling pans, epic electric slide, and other random shart!

out of 10 i would give it a negative -6.5 if I'm being generous!

PineapplePie XD

Bob and Jeff's Big Adventure

2010-10-28T18:30:00.000-04:00

So...remember that post I made a while back where I talked about a new movie? A new movie that I refused to reveal more details about? A new movie that I claimed would cure cancer?

...well, maybe not that last one.

Anyway, it's finally here. Bob and Jeff's Big Adventure. You can watch it here, or go over to the Youtube channel if you happen to really like clicking and typing.

So yeah. Cliffhanger ending. That project required me to take over 900 pictures of Lego people. As you can tell, it could still be a lot better. "But Trigger!" I hear some of you shout. "Trigger! Will we ever see the thrilling conclusion? Will we ever find out what happens to Bob and Jeff?"

The answer? Yes. Yes, you will. It may not be tomorrow, it may not be the day after, but someday, I will finish up this video. I may even make more after that. Just know that this isn't the last you'll be seeing of Bob and Jeff.

Also, keep your eyes open for the rest of the stuff I mentioned in my last post. It'll be posted as soon as I get a chance, but right now I have to go make brownies.

- Keep going nowhere.

UPCOMING CRAP

2010-10-17T00:30:00.000-04:00

Since I haven't posted in a while, I thought I might just let y'all know that I am, in fact, still alive, and CRAP mid-sentence I just read Trigger's latest post and realized that it's quite a bit like this one will be. Ughh. Whatever.

dealwithit.gif

(I love saying that)

*cough*
Anyway. As I said, I'm still alive, and plan to continue staying alive while bringing the blog some exciting and wonderful additions. I'm not currently working on anything specifically for TMTN (and have little to no idea what I would do in that situation), but there's a few things in my queue (and 'done' pile in some cases) that would be fitting for it and that may be available in the future. INCLUDING:

an eight-or-more-panel comic strip that I have to draw for my English class reading contract
some preparation sketches for said comic strip
A travel brochure for the Mortmain Mountains, also for reading contract
more of my songs, getting steadily crappier as time goes backwards (with a few exceptions)
a BCB Art Meme which may make no sense if you don't read the comic (Protip: READ IT)
a dialogue assignment for English that I'm actually super proud of
now that I think of it, any assignments that I did for Creative Writing last year as well that I like and can find

...that's all I can come up with at the moment. As for WHEN you might see these...Songs, assignments, and my sketches are already done, so expect to see those relatively soon. BCB Meme, comic, and brochure may only be available if and when I get a tablet (I mean, come on, I've been wandering around from person to person saying GIVE ME A FREAKEN TABLET NAO and my birthday and Christmas are coming up :3), so unless I have to suck it up and mouse-draw because people don't get me what I want, those won't exist for a while. (not until late November at the earliest.)

I can fill that space though
spacefillerspacefillerspacefiller
WATCH ME DO SO nyarhar

Whatever. I'm tired. It's really too late to be blogging.
Screw you all and goodnight.

A very musical review

2010-10-16T23:09:00.000-04:00

Broadway Moshpit here, with a CD review thats a bit late but oh well shut your mouth you all get enough CD reviews with metalhead here. :)

LAWNMOWER DEATH:
DEAR GOD THERES SO MUCH BLOOD EVERYWHERE (VOLUME VII)
44 sweaty Metallica shirts out of 50...

KIDDING!
I'm kidding. This isn't a metal review (although Lawnmower Death IS a real band- look it up). No, this is a soundtrack review ladies and gents. Thought it be a nice change of pace. :)

Scott Pilgrim VS. The World (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack):
A masterpiece for hipsters, semi-enjoyable for everyone else.
69/100
For anyone who saw Scott Pilgrim VS. The World, you know it was a quirky, comedic movie, being enjoyable for all the indie kids out there, and numerous others. I liked it personally because of all the video game references, and the fact that the secondary lead character was hilariously homosexual. But enough of that. The soundtrack for the movie features quite a few artists, more noteably the bands Metric, T-Rex, The Rolling Stones, and Beck. The other bands on there I've never heard of. Ah well. That's hipster for you.
Moving on, the CD also features music from Sex Bo-Omb, Scott Pilgrim's band in the movie. The first song on the Album by the band, (We are Sex Bo-Omb), is actually pretty decent. The guitar and bass bring forward a crunchy, gritty sound not yet heard, and it's quite refreshing. The only problem is that same creative sound gets a little less created every time you hear a new song by Sex Bo-Omb... because all their songs pretty much sound the same.
The rest of the soundtrack is decently agreeable, and there are a few funny bits, like the 12 second song by 'Crash and the Boys' which is just them crying "SOOOOO SAD!", and an 8-bit sega remix of a Sex Bo-Omb song.
Overall, this soundtrack isn't anything to cry home about, but if you're a die hard hipster, wearing those neon clothes and listening to bands that don't exist yet, by all mean, go and by it, you'll probably love it. As for all the rest of you stereotypes, I'd recommend borrowing it from said hipster friend.
Top Tracks: We Are Sex Bo-Omb, Black Sheep, Threshold (8-Bit)

I'm Just Such A Good Person

2010-10-15T23:04:00.000-04:00

Looks like October's gonna be a great month for all of you readers out there. Coming to you soon, I'm gonna be bringing you all kinds of stuff to watch and read. There'll be a new edition of Reviews of Not So New Games, some more exciting impromptu awesomeness from Nathan vs. Communist Dictator, a cell phone video shot during a very boring Careers class one day, a new movie (if you want to know more, you'll have to wait until I upload it...which may be a week or two), and maybe even a new Nowhere Fast, all coming at you before Halloween. That's more new stuff than you can shake a stick at. Don't try, though.

I hope you'll bear in mind that these things take time, and my life is busy enough as it is. Even while writing this, I'm supposed to be making a Powerpoint for some volunteer work, but I'm currently ignoring that obligation to let you guys know what's going to be happening over the next little while. Add to this the fact that I've got several school projects on the go right now, and I don't think you can blame me if I occasionally have to put off working on the blog.

That being said, I'm gonna do my best to have all of the stuff mentioned above posted before October 31st, though it won't all be uploaded at once. More likely, I'll upload a new thing every few days or so. I think you'll agree that it's worth keeping an eye on this page for the next little while.

- Keep going nowhere.

NEW LOGO

2010-10-11T20:32:00.003-04:00

We here at Ten Minutes to Nowhere now have a new logo! Now featuring the characters of all six Nowhere Writers! Check it out below!

So, in addition to those characters you already know, we have the two new additions of BroadwayMoshpit and Nikkoliah, seen here in the suit and green shirt, respectively, since I knew they wouldn't much appreciate it being implied that they were shirtless in this. BroadwayMoshpit is shown here with a stylish top hat, while Nikkoliah is sporing a perhaps even more stylish propeller cap.

Anyway, this is now our official profile pic on Facebook and Twitter, so if you needed a reason to check out either of those two pages, well.....actually, if you haven't done so already, I doubt this picture will make much of a difference. But check 'em out anyway.

Stories From Nowhere: Pokemon Battle

2010-10-11T12:04:00.004-04:00

So, I'm again going to be starting up a new feature, this one called Stories From Nowhere. These will basically be whatever the hell I feel like posting, from rants to things that have happened to be, to god knows what. The first of these Stories From Nowhere is about a conversation SoulExtractor (Nathan) and I (Mitchell) had on MSN one day when we were both very bored. I came up with the idea of doing an impromptu text-based Pokemon battle, and this is the (unfinished) result. As of yet, the battle is still unfinished, but I'll post more of it once it gets completed. Keep in mind while you read this that this was entirely made up on the spot. None of it was planned out beforehand. So, without further ado, I give you: Nathan vs. Communist Dictator!

Mitchell says:
> a wild COMMUNIST DICTATOR APPEARS
> choose your pokémon!
Nathan says:
> umm...i choose VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO!
Mitchell says:
> Trainer NATHAN uses VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO!
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR gets first move!
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR uses GOVERNMENT PROPAGANDA!
> it isn't very effective.
> what will you do?
Nathan says:
> select attack: ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT
Mitchell says:
> VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO uses attempts to assassinate COMMUNIST DICTATOR!
> VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO slips on an (in)conveniently placed BANANA PEEL!
> VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO sulks in a CORNER about his FAILURE!
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR uses RALLYING SPEECH!
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR's attack increases dramatically!
> what will you do?
Nathan says:
> select attack: REBELLIOUS PROTEST
Mitchell says:
> VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO uses REBELLIOUS PROTEST!
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR auto-counters with CRUSHING MILITARY MIGHT, but MISSES!
> CRITICAL HIT!
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR loses 3796 HP!
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR's current HP level: 6204/10000
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR uses ICH BIN EIN KICKASS!
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR executes a BRUTAL AFFRONT!
> VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO bears the brunt of the FATAL ATTACK using his MAIN CHARACTER STATUS!
> what will you do?
Nathan says:
> select: GATHER A FOLLOWING OF FELLOW PROTESTERS
Mitchell says:
> VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO uses GATHER A FOLLOWING OF FELLOW PROTESTORS!
> your RAGTAG GROUP OF HIPPIES AND RAGAMUFFINS sits outside GOVERNMENTAL OFFICES and sings MONOTONOUS CHANTS concerning your MILD DISPLEASURE!
> your PULCHRITUDE increases slightly.
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR uses MILITARY CRACKDOWN!
> it's super effective!
> your RAGTAG GROUP OF HIPPIES AND RAGAMUFFINS has been defeated!
> VALIANT BUT CLUMSY HERO takes MINIMAL DAMAGE!
> what will you do?
Nathan says:
> Select: SET SELF ON FIRE IN PROTEST TO RALLY MORE FOLLOWERS
> if it works for the zen buddhists, it'll work for me.
Mitchell says:
> VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO uses SET SELF ON FIRE IN PROTEST TO RALLY MORE FOLLOWERS!
> VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO's MAIN CHARACTER STATUS laments VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO's seemingly persistent ATTEMPTS TO KILL HIMSELF, but chalks it up to HORMONAL IMBALANCE!
> the MAIN CHARACTER STATUS absorbs all of the damage from the DANGEROUS AND FIERY FIRE!
> you do begin to feel an UNCOMFORTABLE RASH cropping up on your REAR END, however
> in the meantime, FOLLOWERS flock to your position, ALLYING with you and TRIPLING your ATTACK
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR's DEFENSE DECREASES as he EMPATHIZES with your EXTREME MEASURES
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR uses EMOTIONAL MONOLOGUE!
> his SYMPATHY-DRAWING PLEA FOR UNDERSTANDING confuses HALF OF YOUR FOLLOWERS. they will no longer respond to ORDERS.
> what will you do?
Nathan says:
> I counter with RALLYING SPEECH THAT CRITICIZES COMMUNIST DICTATOR'S METHOD OF GOVERNING
Mitchell says:
> VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO uses RALLYING SPEECH THAT....oh, you get the goddamn point
Nathan says:
> you coulda just copied and pasted.
Mitchell says:
> VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO's counter FAILS because of the BREAKING OF THE FOURTH WALL
Nathan says:
> select: HIT ALL OPPOSED TO MY PROTESTS OVER HEAD WITH PICKET SIGNS
Mitchell says:
> VALIANT BUT CLUMSY HERO uses HIT ALL OPPOSED TO MY PROTESTS OVER HEAD WITH PICKET SIGNS!
> as VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO approaches the nearest NON-BELIEVER, the man pulls a GUN and POINTS IT CASUALLY IN THE HERO'S DIRECTION
Nathan says:
> OSHIT
Mitchell says:
> THE HERO DECIDES TO TARGET A NEARBY GRANNY INSTEAD.
> GRANNY counters with EAT COOKIES, BITCH
> VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO suffers MINIMAL DAMAGE and GAINS SOME WEIGHT.
> COMMUNIST DICTATOR spends his turn LOLLING AT VALIANT YET CLUMSY HERO's PREDICAMENT

* * *

There you have it. As you can tell, it's still very much unfinished, but the rest will be posted once an ending is reached.

- Keep going nowhere.

EDIT: I've figured out that copy-pasting really, really screws with the font on these post things. As it is, in order to get this post to actually show up in the normal colour., I had to change the text colour to white, so I can't see what I'm writing unless I highlight it. Even the size and type of the font got messed with. Rest assured that for the next time I try something like this, I'll figure something out, but for now I'm too lazy. Continuity can suck it.
DOUBLE EDIT: Managed to seemingly fix everything except for weird double line breaks, and this much I can live with. The text colour and font seem to have reverted, though as I'm typing this the font in the text box looks a little weird. I'll take it, though. Seems like the best I'm gonna get.

METAL REVIEW: Evil Survives- Metal Vengeance (88/100)

2010-10-10T22:57:00.001-04:00

I finally had enough dead time on my hands to get one of these reviews done. I really want to keep up the pace with my writing, but school and my laziness have kinda been bogging me down. Hopefully I'll get more of these done in the future, because there are a lot of really good albums out there that people should know about and a lot of shitty albums out there that I should warn people to avoid. Which reminds me. If you want me to review that one shitty album you love, feel free to drop me a line. Can't promise I'll be nice though. In fact, expect me to spew verbal venom about it....I'm kinda rambling here, so I'll just go right ahead and post the review.

EVIL SURVIVES--METAL VENGEANCE

If there’s one thing trad metal needs to have in order to be successful, it’s the rock n’ roll attitude. Whether a band exerts that attitude through their music or their image doesn’t matter, as long as it’s present. It’s pretty hard for any band to fail if they really put their all into playing their music, and that is inevitably the reason why Metal Vengeance is deserving of praise. Yes, it doesn’t always sound good, per se, but it never fails to keep you interested or entertained for the duration of the record. I liken it to bobbing for apples if you didn’t have any teeth. Sure, it’s really uncomfortable and awkward at times when you can’t exactly replicate what other people with teeth had done back in the day (Iron Maiden and Satan, to give a few easy examples) and you’re spilling water everywhere, but you’re having stupid fun the whole time and the rare occasion that you actually manage to pull out an apple is awe-inspiring.

What I meant behind that last analogy is that Evil Survives is sloppy as hell. The songwriting has all the coordination and subtlety of staggering drunk- everything on this album is in-your-face and everywhere at once. These guys jump from riff to riff almost suddenly, often throw choruses and solos out of nowhere, and have a vocalist that seems to be ad-libbing half the time. The bass twists and turns its way in and out of the forefront of the album in a stumbling, yet oddly interesting fashion. But none of that really matters in the long run, because, like the drunk, even though Evil Survives staggers about and often go off track and aren’t very graceful, they still have a purpose; they eventually wander home or find a taxi or something. Their songs actually have a destination- even though their delivery isn’t all that fantastic they still manage to get the point across. They manage to do so without blatantly plagiarizing any other band, either. Yes, the Maidenesque influences are still very present, but unlike most bands formed in the 21st century who play in this style, (I’m lookin’ at YOU White Wizzard) they don’t simply try to emulate this tried and true sound to the best of their ability, they actually expand on it, adding their own little spices and tinges.

I mentioned the vocalist in passing in that last paragraph, and I’d like to add a little more detail to what I said earlier, because the vocals on this album are indeed worthy of a review of their own. They’re frantic, aggressive, sometimes horribly tuneless and reminiscent of a 13-year-old metal fan singing along horribly to his favourite Maiden song, they’re friggin GREAT. Even though they’re not pitch-perfect in tone all the time (or almost any of the time for that matter) or have any sort of flow or grace, Karl Warkentin always seems to know exactly how he should sing to fit the current feel of the song. He’s got a great ear for the music and is really putting 110% into what he’s doing. He’s far from my favourite vocalist because it’s near IMPOSSIBLE to sing along to any of his vocal lines (you won’t hear me randomly bursting into a melody-deprived screeching of “CAN’T STOP…CAN’T STOP…THE VAAAAAMPIRE AMBUUUUUSHH” anytime soon) but he does have his moments, and when those moments occur, it’s fantastic. A random example of one of these moments off the top of my head would be the “whoa oh ohhhhh” section of the song “Metal” which is without question one of the highlights of the album. It's the first time the album really "clicks" after flailing around with the energetic opening track (Evil Will Survive) and the first half of the song.

Ah, but what would the realm of traditional metal be without its fair helping of cheese? Fear not, my friends, because this album has more cheese than a fucking Immortal video. While the crazy-ass falsettos that I should have mentioned in my previous paragraph certainly play a part in contributing to this ridiculous dairy factory, a lot of the overall cheese factor of this album draws from the lyrical themes, (in this day and age, it’s nearly impossible to write a song about vampires without it sounding really fucking ridiculous) the gratuitous amount of solos scattered throughout (solos aren’t cheesy by default, but the ones found on Metal Vengeance are. They’ve got too much widdly widdly widdly and not enough doo dee doo doo doo in them, y’know what I’m saying?) and the “happy” nature of the music. Even though there’s a lot of underlying grit in the guitars, the good ol’ galloping NWOBHM guitar leads make it really difficult to listen to some of these tracks without blushing just a little bit. This album is, in the vaguest sense of the term, a “guilty pleasure” of mine. I realize that there’s a lot of glaring flaws about the album that the band don’t care about enough to even ATTEMPT to hide, but I simply turn the other cheek and keep banging my head. Something about these songs just gives me that giddy feeling that makes me want to listen to it over and over again- I wasn’t quite sure how to describe it, until I looked at the album art for this release- it depicts a young, naïve boy being swept into the fantasy that is heavy metal. That may not be exactly what the image was trying to portray, but the image still shows what I mean: This album contains all the little elements that make this NWOBHM style magical. The goofy lyrics, the galloping riffs, the stylistically amorphous, charismatic vocalist, the fancy solos- it all just amounts to a delicious helping of SHIT THIS SHIT IS FUCKING AWESOME. They may not have the most monumental riffs or catchiest choruses and sometimes sound a little unsure of what they should be doing, but Evil Survives is metal to the fucking bone. Their music sweats pure steel from every single pore and listening to this album hearkens back to the good ol’ days, when you were a zit-faced cretin whose balls had yet to drop, listening to Number of the Beast or Master of Puppets or Painkiller for the first time, unaware of what lay ahead. Back when metal was a completely new world for you. This album recaptures that immaculate feeling that one gets from discovering something new and strange and wonderful, and even if it lacked everything else that made it great, I’d STILL highly recommend it for this reason. This isn’t essential, but makes a fantastic addition to any metal fan’s collection.

Chrispy indeed

2010-10-05T17:22:00.000-04:00

So I like to listen to metal just so were clear, but I will sometimes step into the odd world of techno and these last couple of days I have done just that and I was guided to a man who goes by the name of ChrispyDubstep. Chrispy is a badass when it comes to dubstep in my opion and over 1,000,000 views I would say in the opion of many other too. So look him up on Youtube and jugde for your self. I will recommend Roll out, his remix of tik tok, and his remix of bulletproof. Enjoy

Review

2010-10-03T20:37:00.000-04:00

Shalomm TMTN viewers! Yes, it has been a long time since I posted. But coupled with my laptop going in for repairs, and my hectic schedule, I just don't have time anymore to post. UNTIL NOW!
That being said, I now bring you a review of a graphic novelsI have been reading.
Maus: A survivor's tale, Book 1: My father bleeds history
95/100
Maus is part memoir, part autobiography, part graphic novel, and overall, quite brilliant in its design. The story tells the tale of Art Spiegelman (the writer and illustrator), a cartoonist , who is learning the life story of his holocaust survivor father, Vladek. The author/illustrator brilliantly incorporates the narrative of Vladek's story along with the subplot of Vladek's own personal life, and Art's struggles with his own emotions and his father's stubborness. It should also be mentioned that the cartoonist portrays the characters as different animals, primarily with Jews as mice and cats and Nazi Germans. I personally think this is a brilliant cartoon metaphor, almost alike to Tommy Douglas's 'Mouseland' speech. (If you don't know who he is, shame on you.)
The story is as emotional as any memoir, but the cartoons of these mice, in human clothes and settings, just bring Maus up to a newer, bigger level. The story runs very smoothly, transitioning from Vladek's Holocaust flashbacks, to the present day interview with Art.
Combining something as dramatic as a Holocaust tale with such a typically low key style as a graphic novel is a bold move, but Art Spigelman manages to pull it off beautifully.
So, therefore, this book is a
*BROADWAY BOOK OF THE WEEK*
(Catchy, huh?)
If you're l

Reviews of Not So New Games: Red Dead Redemption

2010-10-03T16:29:00.001-04:00

I think I'm gonna start up a new thing to post about every once in a while. As you can tell, the videos are on an indefinite hiatus, partially because I'm lazy and partially because my computer has started running slower than a lizard in Antarctica. As of right now, every one minute spent making a video would come at the cost of about two minutes waiting for this machine to do what I tell it to do. This is by no means an ideal situation.

So, in the spirit of giving people something even if it's worse than what they're used to, I'll be doing a lot of text posting on pretty much anything I decide to, perhaps even with some recurring features. These features may even continue on once my computer decides to cooperate again.

The first of these features stems a lot from personal experience. It's very common that I'll wait and buy video games several months (or even a year or two) after their release date. Why? Because I still get to play the game, the price has usually been knocked down between ten and twenty dollars, and the online play generally has a fair amount of people without being overcrowded. This also gives the added bonus of having more time to figure out if you think the game will be good or not. And so, in case you want to take this option as well but aren't sure what to get, I present to you, Reviews of Not So New Games. The first subject of these reviews is Red Dead Redemption, which, as I said in a previous post, I picked up a couple weeks back. The game was actually released back in late May, and I contemplated buying it, but decided, as usual, to wait a while. And here we are.

I won't go much into the plot of the game, considering I have no spoiler tags at my disposal and I don't want anybody targeting their death rays at my house because I ruined the story for them. What? I'm the only one with a death ray? Well, still. Better not to take chances.

Basically, Rockstar Games has done what they do best. They've taken a game that goes above and beyond your standard M-rated fare where you shoot people, steal things, along with occasionally doing both at the same time, and they've moved it into the Wild West. This also adds the perks of people not always running away screaming when you pull out a gun, as well as being able to hear the hilarious but seldom-used word "wench" on a semi-regular basis, sprinkled around some more colourful language. While the GTA creators have swapped out cars for the more time period-fitting horses, the addition of a few fast-travel systems à la Assassin's Creed II allows you to get pretty much anywhere you want, provided, of course, you know where you're going.

And knowing where you're going is, indeed, more difficult than it sounds. The RDR world is literally sprawling, with miles of land for you to pillage and plunder throughout the game. While this land is, as you would expect, primarily open desert, there are a few towns filled with people, along with randomly appearing hunters and cowboys that you can encounter during your travels, so the only sense of scarcity that you get is one that makes sense.

Speaking of people encountered during your travels, every once in a while you'll run into people who could use a hand with something. Usually the favour is more pressing than simply giving them a cup of sugar to help bake a cake. One of the commonly occurring problems in towns, for examples, seems to be stopping people from stabbing prostitutes to death. To answer the question you might be asking, no, it doesn't happen to anybody else. Just prostitutes. Yeah, it's a little odd. Also, if you're hoping I'm gonna make some "stabbing/penetration" joke, look elsewhere. I mean, I have to draw the line somewhere. Probably. Anyway, these events usually have a couple different ways they can play out, largely based on how you react. For example, in our previously mentioned example, you can either stop the person from stabbing the prostitute, or not stop him. This obviously results in the prostitute either dying or not dying, both of which can have benefits. These events typically dole out some minor rewards: a few dollars; an increase to your notability, which makes people recognize you more; as well as altering your "honour", which can be either positive or negative. This basically acts as the game's karma system, as people with negative honour will have much more trouble with sheriffs and such coming after them, whereas those with positive honour can get discounts at stores and will find it ironically easier to bribe the law enforcement to leave them alone. Negative honour is, as usual, easier to gain, with the most effective method seeming to be just pulling a gun and shooting anyone who gets in your way.

The game's combat is also pretty easy to get used to. While the cover system can be finnicky at times, leading you to be caught on the wrong side of both a wall and a shotgun, the main character's "Dead Eye" ability (which is effectively your run-of-the-mill bullet time) quickly tips the odds back in your favour. As the game goes on, you uncover new and exciting ways to dispatch your foes with reckless abandon, including the cartoon-y and always fun method of lassoing them, tying them up, and throwing them on a train track. Note that this method is not limited to killing enemies, and, as shown by numerous Youtube videos, also works on nuns. No joke.

The plot seems to be standard Western fair, and pretty much takes a backseat to the scope of the environment and different opportunites to just mess around. That being said, don't write this off as another game you play just because of the open world. The characters are all individual and well-developed, and the plot is actually pretty engaging. As I haven't played through it all, I can't offer too much of a scope as to how long it is, but my bet's on somewhere around 20-30 hours; if, that is, you do nothing but play through story missions.

There are plenty of ways to get distracted in this game, with optional sidequests available from certain characters, various challenges to complete at different ranks such as sharpshooting and hunting, and even the temptation to just go out and explore the world. This is the first open-world game I've played where I legitimately wanted to take some time away from the missions to just go and look around.

The multiplayer experience is also quite well done, with the multiplayer lobby being composed of the entire single-player world. While online, you can ride around and link up with other players to from "posses", and from there you can start a variety of standard multiplayer games, such as deathmatches and CTFs, or just ride around, partake in some hunting or other pastimes, or even do some specifically adapted missions similar to those in the similar campaign. The newly added downloadable "Liars and Cheats" pack even adds in the ability to play poker and liar's dice with your friends online, along with some other features. I was a little disappointed by the lack of split-screen, particularly in the campaign, as the game design could lend itself very well to a co-op experience, but I can understand that the plot wouldn't fit the idea.

The tech specs of the game are also done very well. The animation of characters is about on par with what we've seen from previous Rockstar Games: nothing incredibly special, but pretty decent. The environments, however, are done quite well. Likewise, the sound quality is good and the characters' voices all fit their subjects, making it a very good experience.

All in all, I'd say Red Dead Redemption is well worth the money. It's one of the best open-world games I've ever seen, and if you're a fan of Rockstar's other works, buy it. No question.

***

And, there you have it, the first edition of Reviews of Not So New Games. I know it's long. Very long. But bear in mind the others will probably be more to the point. Like it? Don't? Too bad.

Keep going nowhere.

So, More Video Games

2010-09-30T20:22:00.001-04:00

I hate to post this because I feel like I'm stealing a little of ShadowMaster's thunder, but I have a few notes that I'm wanting to make, primarily on the subject of video games. Before I start, I want to again apologize for the lack of any videos recently, but with school restarting, my parents deciding to leave me to fend for myself for a week (no joke), and a variety of other problems, I've had some issues with free time. Or rather, the lack of free time. Some of you, however, will no doubt read what I've written below and say "How can you not have enough time to make videos, but have plenty of time to make video games?" To answer that question, there's always time for video games. ALWAYS.

So, first thing on the docket today (yes, docket's a real word) is the discussion of the upcoming game LittleBigPlanet 2. I'm sure for those who have played the original, this will need no introduction, but basically this version's upping the ante in pretty much every way imaginable. The customization (both for characters and levels) is completely off the charts, even compared to the last game, with creators being able to make full games inside their levels, such as racing games, shooters, etc. You name it, you can make it. The graphics have also been upgraded, particulary when it comes down to lighting and particle simulation, but thankfully the art style seems to have remained untouched. All DLC and user-made levels from the original will be fully compatible with the new game, so don't fret about losing your favourite costume and whatnot. For those who feel like shelling out an extra $10-20, there's also a Collector's Edition available from Amazon or most EB Games in Canada. It's available at a ton of US retailers, too, but EB Games is the only one I've confirmed here in Canada. For the relatively low price of $79.99, you get (in addition to the game) a 7" Sackboy stuffed toy, two LBP-themed book ends (though they're apparently for games, too), and a slew of bonus customization options: 11 costumes ranging from a Sesame Street character to Ratchet and Clank, along with 5 custom avatars for your PSN account. All in all, I'd consider it a pretty good deal, and if you think so too, you'd better hurry and pre-order it now, because supplies are limited and they're selling out fast.

My next note is on the game Red Dead Redemption, which I obtained about a week ago. I'm not gonna go into the plot or anything, but from the little I've played so far, I can tell you it's awesome. Don't get me wrong, it really lives up to its M rating (let's not forget that Rockstar Studios, the developer of the game, was also behind the GTA games), but the content is fitting of the Wild West subject matter. In addition to solid gameplay and a good plot, the game has tons of optional sidequests and challenges to keep you occupied for every minute you play it, and even in the frustrating parts there's still a lot of entertainment. Top moments for me right now include losing to a man in horseshoes and then beating him to death, as well as getting incredibly drunk, watching someone stab a prostitute repeatedly, and then passing out beside her dead body while people standing in the street glared at me.

It's just that great of a game.

Unfortunately, that's all I have for you right now, but I'll be sure to try and do some work on either posting or making a video, or just something to give you something to look at.

Until then, keep going nowhere.

EDIT: I apologize. The costume included in the LBP 2 Collector's Edition is, in fact, from the Muppets, not Sesame Street. As a note for the future, don't rely on my knowledge of puppet-based TV shows or their stars.
DOUBLE EDIT: Just preordered my copy of the Collector's Edition today. It was by no means cheap, but it's one of the better CE deals I've seen lately. This is also confirmation that EB Games definitely has preorders of the CE available, so if you're wanting one, you know where to go.

From review to update

2010-09-30T16:12:00.003-04:00

Just so every one knows, I have given up on game reviews and have moved on to video game news!!!
Moving on Halo Reach is already a big success as more than 5,000 man years have been spent online in matchmaking. Also there is an update planned for October for matchmaking playlists and gametypes plus the addition of campaign matchmaking.
Fable 3! Looking a lot like Fable 2 except you can level weapons, become king (or queen), the menu is actually a place in the world of Albion that you can travel to and you have a butler in that area, and all the things are more in-depth but easier to use.
Also it's rumoured that Lionhead studios are already have the story line for Fable 4, 5, and 6.

R.E.V.I.E.W

2010-09-24T21:54:00.002-04:00

Easy A. Better name would be Dumbass Phony Prostitute. Major chick flick but i supose it had its moments. The parents of this faker than Pamela Anderson's breasts prostitute were actually really funny! But total chick flick.... you have been warned! Stay tuned for more reviews this weekend.

PineapplePie XD

I'm Le Sorry

2010-09-24T00:03:00.001-04:00

I'm sorry i know I said I would have a review up but I've been super busy lately should be up tomorrow! Also look out for a series of Chapters from a story I'm making called Peddy's VS Eddie.

Nikkoliah's Artistic Genius

2010-09-23T17:53:00.000-04:00

GUESS WHAT
I has drawing for ya :3

The 250 makes little to no sense in the context of THIS blog, but on MY blog and MY blog only, I just posted my 250th post. I wanted to share the amazingness with you TMNT people, and also to write the commentary here so that my readers are forced to come here to see it. You're welcome.

(click to enlarge)

I wish I had a tablet. I really do. There's, like, these little white specks that surround all the black lines, and I have to colour over all of them instead of just using the Fill tool. It's like a less severe version of what happens in MS Paint. (I use Sumo Paint, an online editor, for my stuff, because I don't have the money for Photoshop). As a result, colouring is a long and tedious process, but I do need the practice for shadows and stuff. So it's a process I'll tolerate.

This probably took me, like, 10 hours in total, as I worked on it over a number of weeks. THAT'S A LOT OF TIME BUDDY. But it was the satisfaction of a lifetime when I finally saved and uploaded this, and I knew it would be before I even started colouring.

Also, I finally got around to resizing the actual image. They've always been in giant and unviewable-on-a-computer sizes, but I discovered the magical 'Image Size...' button on the toolbar today. This is a life-chaging discovery, I tell ya.

Last independent paragraph: You probably already know this, but the girl here is my avatar. She looks pretty much nothing like me, but I always draw me as her. The first prototype for her design is here. Also, I have an un-resized drawing of kinda what I actually look like next to her right here:

The skin colour on this one is radically different o_O it's really...pink.

Anyways, hope you like my drawings, cuz I'll be posting more. Much more....hahahaaaa...

...they'll probably be fairly rare, though, since they're quite a project for the one with no tablet. Look forward to them anyway!

New song!

2010-09-18T08:44:00.000-04:00

Well, ladies, gentlemen, and Soulextractor (Not really sure what he is), here's my first post since my introductions. Tadah... its a song! WARNING: CONTAINS SOME MILD LANGUAGE BLAH BLAH BLAH NO ONE READS DISCLAIMERS LETS JUST START.

Kill the lights
[Verse]
Baby, You just know I'm ready to blow
(Tickticktick just waiting for the boom)
Let the curtain rise, they're ready for the show
(Ready or not, I'm spelling your doom)
[Bridge 1]
I'm your entertainer,
I'm the final feature,
I'm ready to start, gonna throw out my heart
And I'll become the creature
[Chorus]
Bring that crowd to their feet
Their screams'll pierce the night
For the one last time
I'm putting up a fight
Kill the lights, flip the switch
We gotta go home,
And I don't need company
I can get back alone.
[Chorus 2]
Now the people are dying for something new
(Gotta give what they want, they are here for me)
And I want something, that something would be you
(But all I want is you, are you too blind to see?)
[Bridge 2]
I'm your sacred angel,
I'm the ruthless monster
Heaven and hell, this gig is goin' swell!
And I'm bout to fuck you over!
[Chorus]
Bring that crowd to their feet
Their screams'll pierce the night
For the one last time
I'm putting up a fight
Kill the lights, flip the switch
We gotta go home,
And I don't need company
I can get back alone.
[Bridge 3]
And when your daymares give you the chills
Think of me, I'll satisfy your thrills
Metal on my lips, what a waste time.
And though I'm out of reach
Baby I wont preach
Your my partner in crime!
[Guitar solo most definitely here]
[Chorus]
Bring that crowd to their feet
Their screams'll pierce the night
For the one last time
I'm putting up a fight
Kill the lights, flip the switch
We gotta go home,
And I don't need company
I can get back alone.
I can get back alone
I can get back alone,
Watch me go
Alone.

Coming Soon

2010-09-17T23:24:00.002-04:00

Sit tight and be patient because Sunday night another review will sure be up like a pedo's heart rate on at the local Chuck E Cheese!

Some News

2010-09-15T20:08:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I'm posting text. Not a video, not any "hilarious" pictures of cats with invisible objects, just text. And links. And some other stuff. But all of it's in the form of those wonderful things you can read, write, and say: words.

If you are in no way excited about this post, I really can't blame you.

I see how this may be a bit of a letdown considering the fact that my videos were actually starting to get good (sort of), and now I'm dropping them like a celebrity who realizes they're holding a baby just to move on to something else. That's not entirely accurate, actually. I'm still keeping them up, just on a slightly more elongated timeline. Or something like that.

In their place you will now find text posts similar to this one, except without this introduction/explanation part, as they will instead cut straight to the important things below. These posts will pretty much feature all of the parts of my videos, such as news and info about movies, music, games, etc., and even some additional things, and they'll be much more frequent than the videos were. As a note: I do intend to keep making videos, and if I can find a way to make one every week that fits my schedule, I will do so. This schedule revert will probably occur in October/November, when I'll have settled into school fully and will have more time for things like this.

Anyway, getting on to the actual content. I'm sure you've noticed that we now have two new writers on the team, BroadwayMoshpit and Nikkoliah. They both have bios up and have already started posting, so go ahead and check their stuff out. As for their characters in the videos, well, you'll have to wait and see them when the next video gets uploaded. As well, I'm sure you've noticed the ads on the right hand side. These are to try and pay for our own domain name, making our site easier to find, so we apologize for the inconvenience, but that's just the way it'll have to be for the next little while.

So, news. Well, France has recently passed a law against wearing full-length veils in public. Apparently, any veil that covers a woman's face cannot be worn in public areas, and, though only about 2,000 women in France wear these veils regularly, the idea has created a lot of controversy among the Muslim population. I can't really blame them, since the ban seems a little far-fetched, but as was said during the debates about it, it does help confront some security concerns. However, I'm interested in hearing what the readers think. If you're reading this, what's your opinion on the ban? Are you for it, against it, what?

Anyway, I'm gonna try and implement a few recurring features. First off is the Youtube video of the week. Every, wait, what day is it today? Wednesday? Okay, every Wednesday, I'll post a new Youtube video that I think is funny, or well done, or something. This week? We have the Scout from Team Fortress 2 trying to sell you a Slap Chop. Check it out.

Anyway, that's about all I can think of to talk about at the moment. Keep checking back for more updates and videos, and keep checking back every Wednesday for the Youtube Video of the Week. Who knows, I may add more weekly features for you to read.

Anyway, keep going nowhere.

Style is for pussies.

2010-09-15T18:02:00.002-04:00

Well, I'm back. Amidst the flood of new members, videos and such, you motherfuckers probably forgot I even existed. As you can see, I'm still here, and still alive. I've got a couple of reviews in the queue (I'll try to review more well-known bands for the blog in an effort to give it more exposure) but I figured you guys want a more general post, so here you go. This is probably the only time Ten Minutes to Nowhere's resident cranky metalhead will be catering to the whims of his audience, so eat it up. You're not gonna get a chance like this again.

A FEW NOTES BEFORE WE BEGIN:
-this is a general rant. This will be the only other kinda post I'll make other than reviews. Just so you know.
-at the end of any rants, because this is still a "blog" per se, and because I'm quite the music fanatic, I'll post a random band I've discovered recently that I find awesome. Hopefully you enjoy it too, so you'll buy their CD and stop listening to the crap you listen to.
-most of my rants are done out of spontaneous blind rage, so they ARE rather extreme and hyperbolic. Keep that in mind.
-Feel free to argue my opinions if you don't agree with them. I love arguments. I'll whoop your ass in them because my opinions are inherently superior to all others.

Now that we've got those formalities out of the way, let us begin.

I hate fashion. I really do. I hate anybody who is too obsessed with "how they look". Clothing is used to cover up parts of the body that are "not suitable" for the wandering eye to gaze at, or of course, basic survival needs. Clothing should not be used to make some baseless "statement" or to try and go "against the norm". You're not unique. Even if you've snorted 80 fire ants through your nose whilst juggling to the tune of "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General", you're still not unique. You conform. Get used to it.

Even if this "statement" you're making is somehow valid (it would have to be in some sort of retarded parallel universe where Hitler is praised as an amazing, revolutionary individual and everybody's buttocks are on their knees), do you really think any of the shit you're wearing honestly looks GOOD? Like piercings. Earrings I can tolerate, but who the hell was the first guy who looked at a piece of metal and said, "hey, this looks like the kind of thing that I'd like to cut a hole in my face for". Really. Piercings anywhere other than your ears look REALLY FUCKING STUPID. There's no other way to put it.

Same thing goes for tattoos. Again, tattoos are the kind of thing that COULD be alright if used in moderation, but some people feel the need to PUT A FUCKING PAINTING ALL OVER THEIR ARMS, LEGS, AND ON THEIR GODDAMN BACK. COME ON PEOPLE IF YOU LIKE THE PICTURE THAT BAD JUST GET SOME ARTIST TO PAINT IT AND HANG IT ON YOUR FUCKING WALL HOW IS IT DOING ANY GOOD ON YOUR BACK ANYWAYS YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE THIS APPARENT IMMACULATE PIECE OF ART YOU LOVE SO MUCH SO WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT??? To "turn your individual persona into a visual concept" or some bullshit like that? Please. Spare me your pithy attempts at dragging yourself out of mediocrity.

And some of the clothes I witness people wear on a daily basis...holy crap. All the bright, contrasting colors on the shirts, shorts, shoes, and backpacks given me a FRIGGIN SEIZURE. Colors like pink, orange, light green and light blue are NOT meant to all be used in one "outfit" or worse, one article of clothing. ESPECIALLY not when a guy does it. I give a bit of leeway to all the ladies here (and the clothing they wear in general), because looking "good", is a natural kind of thing for them. Same way giving an impression of machismo and charisma is common amongst males. These things aren't stereotypes, they're primal instincts (hell, even I do the macho-crap from time to time) that are exemplified frequently in the animal kingdom. It doesn't separate the genders in any way, so please don't start foaming at the mouth over my nonexistent sexism.
But if I ever see a guy wearing blue, pink, orange and green all at once, I'll flip my shit. IT DOES NOT LOOK GOOD. YOU LOOK LIKE A TRANSVESTITE RAINBOW. PLEASE GO SOMEWHERE WHERE THE GENERAL PUBLIC CANNOT VIEW YOU. LIKE SOME DESERT ISLAND WHERE I'M SURE YOU'LL ATTEMPT TO FONDLE YOUR OWN BALLS WITH YOUR TONGUE OUT OF BOREDOM.

Dear lord. Long story short: Anybody who thinks that their clothing is anything more than something used to cover up their no-no places and provide warmth or comfort is a twat, but ahead and wear clothing you like or stuff you think looks "good" for all I care. But just so you know: clothing does not express individualism any more than posting shitty vlogs on youtube makes you a filmmaker. I wear bandshirts and jeans not because I think it's my "style" or it defines me as a person or something, but because I like the logos and the clothing is comfortable. The end.

RANDOM MUSIC FIND: A Canadian depressive black metal band called Gris. Yes, that's right. Confounding as it may be, there is indeed some depressive black metal out there that doesn't totally suck balls. Instead of the music being really fucking whiny and emo like Happy Days and other garbage of its ilk, these guys seem to have found solace in the melancholy of their music and are exploring the emotion in its purest form. Amazing, sobering stuff. Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwLw1twqz1w

That's all, folks. This has been your friendly neighborhood soul extraction for the day.

Oh, lookity! A song!

2010-09-13T16:49:00.000-04:00

Here's a l'il history lesson. I started writing songs when I was 10 or 11. As you might imagine, my first tries were either awfully generic or generically awful. But as time went on, I began to gain more knowledge on the topic, just by looking at other peoples' work and learning from that (Nightwish especially, their lyrics are phenomenal). So now I can consider myself halfway decent, at the least.
This'll be nothing new for anyone that already reads my other blog (like most of the stuff I'm putting on here to begin with), but this is the last one I've written, titled One of the Damned. You're right, it does sound emo. It's really not. I can show you emo. I CAN SHOW YOU, LIKE, PERFECT MISERY. But I won't.

Sorry these take up so much space, but I hate doing that thing with the slashes to separate lines./Like this./It's so annoying to read.

Standing on the horizon
Thinking of all the love you lost
Never again will I fly much higher
Still tumbling down to the cost

Watch, as you leave none behind
Look, a blessed soul to find
Erase the days of all lost hope
And look me in the eye
Watch, me fall, you like to now
Look around, they're gone
Delude yourself until you die
Which won't be very long

The shadows of the past
Are thickening in seconds
Bringing memories and dreams
And weeping soft for long ago

Illusions of tragedy
Were simply cries for help
Your cries were left unanswered
For you've yet to learn to love yourself

Watch, as you leave none behind
Look, a blessed soul to find
Erase the days of all lost hope
And look me in the eye
Watch me fall, you like to now
Look around, they're gone
Delude yourself until you die
Which won't be very long

"Tell me what it's like to be one of you.
Of strength and power, but never emotion or time.
Of possessing the capabilities of a god, but wasting it on trivial desires.
Of hoping for love but never looking further for it than backwards.
Tell me what it's like...to be one of the damned."

Delude yourself until you die
Which won't be very long...at all

Halo Reach

2010-09-13T15:06:00.004-04:00

Halo reach is looking pretty good off the bat. Basically its a first person shooter, but really its more of an open sandbox kind of game. It has 6 game modes that are campaign( not include in this review ), matchmaking, custom games, forge, firefight, and theater.
Matchmaking is the normal online versus multiplayer that has team games and free-for-all, and in April there was beta to test this game mode and it looks pretty solid. There are multiple playlists of game types and maps, divided into two groups: arena (competitive gaming) and social (non-competitive gaming), from there you can pick what playlist you want, you can also choose the type of people that you would like to play with. Next you will be matched up with a group of people and be put into a game lobby where you can vote on which game type and map you would like to play and finally you enter the game. After the game ends you will be given the option to party up with the people in the game. So the matchmaking is looking pretty good with the option to pick what kind of people you want to play with and vote for the game you want to play, also after you play online for a while the game while determine what kind of player you are, such as are you a team player or a lone wolf, a sniper or more close range. The online is really built around you and giving you the experience you want.
Custom games are games you can play with people offline or with friends online. So basically you can choose what map and what game type you want but then you can go in and change the rules to what you want such as player speed, gravity, what weapons you start with and what kind of weapons and vehicles are on the map. There are some from Halo 3 and there's likely to be a lot more add into reach.
Forge allows you, the player, to edit the objects on the map like weapons, respawn points, and flag/bomb spawn points, and you can also edit scenery objects to build things like base and stuff. In Halo 3 this was actually very hard to do unless you had over 6 hours and knew all the hacks and tricks. Now Bungie has made a Forge 2.0 that makes it simple for a normal gamer to make a good map in less than three hours. They also took all the hacks and tricks and others things fans asked for (plus things fans didn't ask for but are pretty kickass) and put them in. To go along with this they also made a huge map with a lot of good forging areas and over a hundred items; this map is now known as Forge World.
Firefight pretty much goes like this: you enter game the game you grab your weapons and then you are attacked by wave after wave of Covenant ( bad guys who look badass) and you either get raped or you kick ass depending on your skill level. Also there are these things called skulls that effect how the AI ac,t such as how often they throw grenades and if they avoid danger. Like in custom games you can edit the rules and player traits.
Gameplay is still classic Halo but instead of equipment, there is now armour abilities like sprint, active camo, armour lock, drop shield, and hologram.
So like I said it's looking pretty good so I'm going to give it a 9/10. You can also watch gameplay on YouTube and find more info at Bungie.net.

One more person- Is this place crowded or what?

2010-09-12T20:46:00.000-04:00

Hello, world wide web. I'm Hannah, otherwise known on here as Broadway Moshpit (Or just Broadway). I'm going to be the newest contributor to TMTN and will provide such facts as concert, movie, and play reviews, photos that will make you lol (no guarentees) the occasional poem, perhaps a rant or two, and anything on zombies. We'll do the larger introductions later. And I'm sure my buddy Trigger will help with sh** I should say on my bio.
Cheers,
Broadway.

Nowhere Fast - Episode 5

2010-09-12T18:57:00.000-04:00

Everything's there in the video. As it says, I'll be slowing down a bit but I'll keep posting other stuff.

Links:

Facebook Page
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Ten-Minutes-to-Nowhere/136583189720252

Twitter Account
http://twitter.com/TenMins2Nowhere

Happy Wheels (main site)
http://totaljerkface.com/happy_wheels.php

Happy Wheels Demo
http://onemorelevel.com/game/happy_wheels

Keep going nowhere!

EXCITEMENT.

2010-09-12T00:07:00.000-04:00

Hi there! I'm Nikki. I'm a new writer for TMTN (well, obviously) and this fact excites me. In case you didn't guess by the title.
I've got a few contributable (that's not a word, oh well) things that I do: writing lyrics, and drawing random cartoons. You'll be seeing some of my crap in the near future. I'm also obsessed with the comics El Goonish Shive and Bittersweet Candy Bowl.
You know what you should do? Read them.

Anyway, my bio will probably have something a little more detailed than this, but it's like 12am and I'm tired and want to go to bed. MMKAY? You all know who I am now. Hooray.

Oh Crap.

2010-09-07T19:56:00.000-04:00

So I may have gotten a little ahead of myself in saying that the Nowhere Fast videos will be up every Monday. I think I underestimated how much time they take if I want to do them well, and overestimated the free time I'd have with my new schedule of dealing with school on top of everything else. Let me give you some perspective on the kind of time we're talking about. Those 3-5 minute videos you see on Youtube, take me about 3-5 hours at least to make, from research to voicing. That's a time commitment that may be a little difficult for me to live up to on a once-a-week basis. Don't get me wrong, I will keep making videos, they just won't be as common and they won't have a fixed update schedule, but they will be longer than normal and I hope they will be better, too. I'm hoping to get one up maybe every 10 days or so. Sorry if that's thrown you off reading and watching, but I hope you're fine with checking back just a little less frequently.

- Trigger

Review #1

2010-09-06T00:20:00.002-04:00

Well here it is, the first official movie and tv story! Every Sunday will look something like this. Enjoy.

Rental of the week: This weeks suggested rental is Date Night. I completely understand if you think I'm a chode muffin now. When i heard of it my first thought was I'd rather eat a frozen piece of cow turd while watching two girls one cup, but it was actually the best Steve Carell I have ever seen. It was a little more 14+ then I thought. I never thought I'd ever hear steve Carrel of all people say "fuck". It actually made me roflmao! I don't want to spoil the movie though so go rent it.... or don't.... i don't give a shit.

Big Screen Scene of the week: If you've seen Vampires Suck I think you know what I mean when I say the end was the funniest scene in the whole movie! If you havn't seen it go see it as soon as possible. If you don't feel like paying an ass load of cash just youtube it.

i'm sorry that this isn't much i was busy this week I'll try and post the rest tomorow.

Personal Favorites

2010-09-03T00:29:00.002-04:00

In my opinion the American Pie series is outstanding! The first three were great! Sean William Scott was by far the best Stiffler! The movies continued with American Pie presents: Band Camp. All new cast but still the same humour you would expect from the first three. The series again continued with a different cast in American Pie presents: The Naked Mile and Beta House. These two are filled with drinking, nudity, and swearing but lack a storyline. The two are great movies just don't really have a point. For me Beta House was the end. After Beta House they took it into another direction with American Pie presents: The Book of Love. Another whole new cast, which in my opinion was the worst. I'm not saying it was a bad movie just that I don't think it is as good as the others. But I have been doing some research and there is a very good chance American Pie will return yet again with American Pie Family Reunion! It will return with the origonal cast from the first three movies! This is all I know so far but I'll be sure to keep you updated!

Another Addition to the Team

2010-09-02T17:12:00.000-04:00

I'd like everyone to welcome ShadowMaster to the crew here at Ten Minutes to Nowhere. You can expect to see him posting here every once in a while, and I'm sure he'll be showing up in my videos from time to time too.

Speaking of videos, I'm currently in the process of making a bonus video! That's right, the first bonus video will be up as soon as I finish working on it. As you know, it'll only be available here on the blog, so keep checking back!

Yes, another review.

2010-09-02T02:29:00.002-04:00

Don't like it? well you suck a cocksicle so you're not of importance to me anyways. At the very least, this is for an album that was released recently. I promise I'll make some non-review posts in the very near future anyways. Just shut up and read.

KATAKLYSM- Heaven's Venom (9/100)

Really, Kataklysm? REALLY??? This is the BEST that the band that wrote “Sorcery” can do? Honestly, these guys have been riding on their reputation ever since “Shadows and Dust” came out and every single album after it has just been the same recycled crap that never really seems to be written with any kind of vision in mind besides satisfying their whining fans who want a new album or filling out a contractual obligation with Nuclear Blast. This is some of the most limp-dicked “death” metal I’ve heard in a very long time.

From the first few seconds of A Soulless God, this album’s main flaw is very evident: Where is the fucking FURY??? Where is the gritty, nasty feel? Where is that explosive sound that was heard on classic songs like “Dead Zygote” and “Frozen in Time” that just tears your fucking FACE off and leaves you lying in a pile of your own filth because you just shat all over yourself due to the sheer intensity??? It’s fucking GONE. What’s left is something that sounds like Kataklysm, no doubt about it, but it’s a hollow shell of what they once were. There are times where this is reminiscent of mid-period Kataklysm like Epic: The Poetry of War and Shadows and Dust, but it just sounds so sterile and unmotivated, and resorts to a lot of slower sections that sound more like fucking groove metal than anything. Seriously, I vote we change Kataklysm’s genre tag to “Death/Groove Metal” because with every new album they’re starting to sound more similar to Six Feet Under (which, as we all know, is a terrible band to be compared to). I mean, cmon guys, if you’re going to call your style of music “Northern Hyperblast” at least try to fucking BLAST a little more, willya? Even when we do hear some of the trademark Kataklysm blasting that we all know and love, it’s really watered down and triggered as hell. Goddammit, Max Duhamel’s drumming was the driving force that fueled their past albums, it was always the backbone of the band, the one thing that kept their mediocre albums listenable and enjoyable, and you decide to castrate IT too? God fucking dammit.

The riffing on this album is just laughable. Although it’s not completely repetitive (they do flirt with more melodic and pseudo-black metal style riffing (Numb and Intoxicated kinda sounds like modern BM) on a few occasions), they’re some of the most boring, unspectacular riffs ever seen this side of slam death metal. None of them are going to get stuck in your head (barring perhaps the single “Push the Venom”, although that only gets stuck in your head the same way an alien parasite would get stuck in your head), and none of them even try to ATTACK you like they used to, the guitarists just seem to be content with playing middle of the road, wishy-washy riffs that have no real intention behind them. Now, Kataklysm’s never exactly been the pinnacle of creative or interesting death metal, but this release is the one where their shitty riff construction finally catches up to them and becomes the elephant in the room. On most of their 21st-century releases, they managed to barely stay above the line of mockery with what little charm they had (even In the Arms of Devastation and Prevail had their moments) but at this point, the magic is gone. The thin veil that masked the fact that Kataklysm haven’t really been good for a long while is gone, and their true colors are showing.

Is shit like this really even necessary? With listen after listen this album does not reveal any reason why it should exist. This isn’t going to be anybody’s favourite album, the band isn’t claiming that this is their “heaviest record yet” (and if they are, they’re bullshitting themselves no matter how you look at it), and this is the musical definition of “rehashed”. This isn’t extreme, this isn’t memorable. This isn’t even CONSISTENT, as they try to fuck around with different types of melodies and different speeds, which only results in even larger shitburgers. For example, the closing track, Blind Saviour. I think they were going for a more “crushing” feel by slowing the track down, but do you know what happens when you take boring riffs and play them at half speed? THEY GET EVEN MORE FUCKING BORING. It’s like these guys are trying to fail in every imaginable way.

This is completely and utterly worthless, and something tells me Kataklysm is well aware of this. It seems they’re perfectly content with throwing together whatever comes to mind without any conviction or emotion behind it. They have embraced mediocrity, and I for one will not stand for this. This isn’t the absolute worst piece of music ever written, no, but who buys a whole album for a half-decent riff every now and then? I sure as hell know I don’t. I demand more out of my music than that, and you definitely should too. A big middle finger to Maurizio Iacono and company for thinking that this half-assed bullshit will pass for decent death metal.

Nowhere Fast - Episode 4

2010-09-02T01:17:00.001-04:00

YES! It's finally here! I apologize for the long delay, but I've had a hella busy week!

Anyway, links. Let me see.

Chilean Miners Video/Article
http://www.ctv.ca/CTVNews/TopStoriesV2/20100830/chile-miners-100830/

The First Time I Met Sanawon - Bomb The Music Industry!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-lN7V4_Gx0

Quote Unquote Records
http://quoteunquoterecords.com/

Nowhere Fast - Episode 3

2010-08-26T16:13:00.000-04:00

Sorry this one's a bit late getting put on the blog, but I kinda forgot about it after I put it on YouTube. Keep checking back for bonus videos along with the normal videos every Monday!

Nowhere Fast - Episode 2

2010-08-02T14:44:00.000-04:00

Episode 2 of Nowhere Fast, featuring the new intro.

Classified Documents/Info
http://wardiary.wikileaks.com/

I'm thinking this is gonna turn into a weekly thing, so every Monday there should be a new video up, assuming I have time. That being said, as the video says, I'm off to Europe until the 20th and won't be able to work on a video until I get back.

Keep going nowhere.

Nowhere Fast - Episode 1

2010-07-26T23:46:00.000-04:00

This is the first in a series of movies I'm doing called Nowhere Fast. This, Episode 1, is basically an introduction and just explains what I'm wanting to do.

And yes, I know it's bad quality, but this was my first attempt at making a video like this and the tools and programs I had at my disposal were limited at best.

Anyway, hope you enjoy it. More to come.

Review Numero Dos

2010-07-24T21:42:00.003-04:00

This is the second review I'm putting up on here. It's also on metal-archives, and on facebook, cause...well, I want people to read my crap. It also gives the blog some content, I suppose. I'm not going to be posting only reviews on here, but for now all I've been doing recently is reviewing music, so that's all you're gonna be seeing from be for the time being.

NEKRO KHAOS - RITES OF THE BLACK MASS (2/100)

If there’s one thing I hate in my beloved genre of black metal, it’s the words that mock the black metal clichés. Anybody who’s visited a metal forum for more than 5 minutes can pretty much name all of them off by heart: “tr00” “kvlt” “nekro” “grim” and so forth. I hate the words, I hate anybody that uses them in jest (when they’re used in jokes it’s NEVER funny, by the way) and I want anybody who utters them to die a horrible violent death, or at the very least have their vocal chords ripped out. So you can imagine I’m not exactly given a good first impression by a band named Nekro Khaos, complete with intentional misspellings. Seriously, dude, there weren’t any fucking Darkthrone or Immortal song titles you could have used? That’s not even the worst part though. This guy’s “stage name” so to say, is “Death4u”.

Yes, you heard me correctly. Death4u. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Why in the sweet unholy mother of FUCK would anybody who’s trying to seriously start a band think that would be a GOOD idea? Dear god, the reason the assholes that dismiss the black metal scene because they think it’s a joke are never going to go away because we’ve got people like THIS clown running around, spreading every single stereotype about black metal like it’s the bubonic plague. And, of course, what kind of music do we get from a black metal band that is stereotypical to the logical extreme in its image? Why, a shitty, stereotypical Darkthrone clone, of course! Although, I hesitate to call this a “clone”, because that would mean that the band bears close resemblance to Darkthrone, which doesn’t really work because Darkthrone actually sounds good.

Being a shameless clone of Darkthrone, we can obviously expect this to have bad production. However, this isn’t even bad in the “raw and ugly as fuck” way, this is just flat-out bad. Now, usually the production isn’t that big of a deal to me, but when it’s as awful as it is in Rites of the Black Mass it deserves a mention. The drums are nearly inaudible. Yes, the drums. I don’t know how he managed to make the DRUMS inaudible, but he did. The vocals are pretty far back in the mix too, which means that the riffs here take the front seat. And man, talk about the lamest riffs I’ve ever heard in black metal. The guitar tone is lame by alternative rock standards and lacks any real crunch or power in it, and it doesn’t help that some of the riffs don’t even sound like black metal at all. Just listen to “Hail Sathanas”! it sounds like a fucking southern rock tune with some black metal screeching over it! Now, I’m not saying that some of the songs should be dismissed on the grounds that they don’t sound like black metal, (because, frankly, that would be rather retarded) they should be dismissed because they’re plodding, effortless shit. And it’s not like the riffs that sound remotely like black metal are any better, anyways. To get an idea of what they sound like, take all the worst elements of both second-wave black metal and USBM and combine them into one big, corpsepainted shit sandwich. At times, it’s kind of reminiscent of, say, De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas, but with all the aggression drained. Other times it sounds like, say, Xasthur or something, but, as much as Xasthur sucks, there is a sense of…despondency in the music; it gives off a feeling of negativity. (Although that might just be me getting angry at the music because it blows, who knows?) And that is what separates the two. While the music tries to evoke a feeling of sadness, it fails so hard that it ends up giving off vague feelings of negativity which resemble…boredom. This quite literally sounds like the musical representation of boredom. It’s negative; but the atmosphere doesn’t have nearly a strong enough effect to represent any extreme emotion.

There are some good points to this album, though. The intro and outro pieces, despite being lazy imitations of Alcest, are somewhat pleasant, I suppose. The vocals might be okay if they weren’t electronically altered to oblivion…ah, fuck it. I’m really grasping for straws here, there really isn’t anything on this album that anyone would find remotely enjoyable in the slightest. Usually when people say that, it tends to reek of hyperbole, but when I say it here I mean it in the most literal sense possible. There is nothing on here that makes you bang your head or feel any emotions or do much else than cringe in disgust. Fuck this album, fuck this band, fuck “Death4u” (my god it’s even embarrassing to fucking WRITE that name) and even though I haven’t heard any of this guy’s other “projects”, fuck them too. Rites of the Black Mass is a pus-filled pimple on the ass of black metal and should be either avoided at all costs, or listened to and ridiculed due to its intense sucking. I feel guilty for giving this album two whole points.

ModNation Racers Review

2010-07-13T23:52:00.000-04:00

Hey, Trigger here. I thought I'd post a review of something on here like my co-poster, but I haven't bought any new albums lately, so I figured I'd just go with a game. A few days ago, I received ModNation Racers on PS3. Those who've seen promotional material for the game or have been following it in different media will already know this, but this game is basically Mario Kart and LittleBigPlanet put together, but directed at a slightly older audience. What results is, well...you'll read about it below. My reviews are only out of 10, because...well, just because that's how I do them, but the game has been split up into several areas for convenience.

ModNation Racers (Platform: PS3)

First Impression: 10/10
Minutes after booting up the disc, I get the feeling I'm in for a fun ride. The world of ModNation Racers (or MNR, for convenience) is colourful, entertaining, and well-planned. The game eases in new players and introduces them to the key features of the gameplay and the menu right of the bat, while the dialogue is lighthearted and funny while loaded with sarcasm and wit. Even with the basic starting creation tools, I quickly create my own avatar, or Mod, and his matching Kart. This brings me to the next point.

Customization: 9/10
One of the big draws of this game is the customization tools. Drawing from the success of LittleBigPlanet, this game gives you the tools to make your own players, vehicles, and even race tracks, and share them with the world. The track creation tools, though I have yet to try them, promise to be simple enough to create basic levels with ease, but detailed enough so that those who want to spend time making something amazing can do so. The Mod and Kart customization tools are equally detailed, but can be time-consuming to use and can be cumbersome if you don't know what you're trying to create. Overall, though, I was impressed with the smoothness of the interface.

Gameplay: 8/10
The gameplay is MNR's greatest asset and its greatest weakness at the same time. The controls are different from previous kart racers and take some time to get used to, but feel surprisingly intuitive after a few races. The single-player Career Mode spans a couple hours for basic completion, and is highly enjoyable. However, each race has additional secondary objectives, such as drifting a certain amount or getting so much airtime, that allow you to unlock new customization tools for Mods, Karts, and tracks. My one complaint, and it is a bit large, is that the game can get incredibly difficult at times, especially when trying to get the secondary objectives. The AI drivers will pound you into the dust relentlessly, and it takes some time to get used to balancing boosting, shielding, and trying to fight back, all while trying to stay on the course. Those familiar with Mario Kart should have a slightly smoother transition, but the races can get pretty hectic.

Multiplayer: 10/10
The multiplayer, both online and offline, is where MNR truly shines. Capable of up to four-player splitscreen races, it's easy to challenge your friends and enemies to a race. When going online, the experience feels smooth and simple, and it's noticeably more fun racing against real people than against computers. A minor issue is the loading times, which can be quite long in some cases, but on a whole they were reasonable.

Graphics: 10/10
MNR knows what it is: a cartoony kart racer. It doesn't try to be anything else, especially when it comes to graphics. The animation is done very well, and everything seemed to look the way it should. That's really all there is to say on the matter.

Sound: 9/10
Again, MNR doesn't try to be anything but cartoony. The sound effects, such as explosions and zaps, aren't incredibly serious, but seem to fit right in. The voices for main characters in the single-player campaign are spot-on, and the dialogue itself was done masterfully. The only problem seemed to be in the soundtrack department. The game seems to only have about three songs to play, which it cycles at random. While the songs themselves are pretty catchy and are often covered up by the general "oh-my-god-how-the-hell-am-I-still-alive" of the races, they did grow a little repetitive as time went on.

Overall: 9/10
ModNation Racers is a great game with a few minor flaws which you can easily look past. While the single-player may be a bit difficult at times, you can always turn to the multiplayer for some awesome racing. The grapics and sound hold up just as well, and the customization tools are fun and easy to use. While it may not be as kid-friendly as the old games were, in my opinion, this is just the rejuvenation kart racing games need.

Different Ideas

2010-07-08T00:37:00.000-04:00

As you can tell by SoulExtractor's post below, he has very a very strong affinity for metal music. As you may or may not know, I do not very much like metal music. SoulExtractor has a very strong opinion about this fact, too.

I personally prefer punk and alternative rock, while I am more recently moving towards ska and indie rock. My favourite artists, though constantly changing, are probably illScarlett, Flobots, Chewing on Tinfoil, the Arrogant Sons of Bitches, Streetlight Manifesto, and Vampire Weekend. I also don't mind some Foo Fighters or Hedley if I'm in the mood for it. These are obviously quite different preferences from my co-writer, so the obvious question is: how do two people with such different musical tastes get along?

The short answer: we don't.

Let me clarify. We're actually really good friends, and we can agree on most things, but music isn't one of them. We each have our preferences, and for the most part we stick to them. Every once in a while, one of us will stumble upon something we think the other should hear and will send it their way, and they'll give it a listen, but most often the response is "good, but not really my thing", from both parties.

The point is, even though we have different ideas of what is good music, we both have the same basic idea of what music itself is. We both seek the same things from the songs we listen to, and we both find them, just in different places. So, in the end, our preferences really aren't that different after all.

You know what?

2010-07-07T23:39:00.002-04:00

A MOTHERFUCKING ALBUM REVIEW, THAT'S WHAT.

Yup, I wrote album reviews for a while back, but kinda stopped for a little bit cause I grew tired of trying to sound like a scholar when I wrote them. Now, i've adapted a more "casual" writing style, and it makes the review a lot easier to write. Enjoy, if you must.

DIE APOKALYPTISCHEN REITER- LICHT (86/100)

Every now and then, the spirit of rock n’ roll will quell down in me. I’ll start looking down upon it, seeing those who partake in it as a bunch of simple-minded buffoons. I’ll become more reclusive, and listen to Silencer and Lifelover and Drudkh and bands that have “deep spiritual meaning” or some tomfoolery along those lines. I will hate any music that sounds in any way the slightest bit accessible.
And then a band like Die Apokayptischen Reiter comes along and blows my genitals off, leaves my head throbbing and neck sore, and reminds me what heavy fucking metal is all about. Holy shit, these guys have more balls than a dumpster after a mass castration ceremony.

While I’ve only heard bits and pieces form their earlier works, I can still easily tell that this is a helluva lot different from albums such as All You Need is Love. While that album was more of a straight-up melodic death metal dog that sniffed a little bit around the folk-metal fire hydrants but never really took a long piss on them, Licht is some good old fashioned rock n’ roll at its core. Sure, all the folk metal, melodeath and traditional metal influences are all very present, but it’s still a very simplistic, formulaic, hard-rockish album. Is that a bad thing by any means? FUCK NO IT’S NOT! Well, it can be in some cases, but Die Apokalyptischen Reiter play with such energy and charisma that it’s not a problem in the slightest. This album is dripping with gallons, of pure, unadulterated testosterone. I swear, I could fucking SMELL it coming out of my speakers.

Now, playing your music loud and proud can be a really bad thing if your music blows goat dick, because then any problems your songs had become much more audible to even the casual listener. But fear not, my readers, because the songs on Licht are catchy like a motherfucker. Just listen to those choruses on “Es Wird Schlimmer” “Auf Die Liebe” or “Der Weg” (I could pretty much namedrop all the songs on the album) and tell me you can’t sing along to them, even if you don’t speak German. You can’t. They’re irresistible. And even if you were to remove the choruses, there’s still some solid riffing to be found here. They’re sound most like hard rock/classic metal riffs with a folksy tinge about them, and they accentuate the choruses well and fill the necessary roles for the guitar.

And if all THAT wasn’t good enough, the vocals kick ass too! The vocalist has this harsh tone to his voice that reminds me of Blind Guardian to a certain extent, except this guy has a lower register. Now, we all know Hansi’s voice is good enough to masturbate to, so having vocals similar to his in any way is always a good thing. While his somewhat half-assed attempts at harsh vocals (most noticeable at the beginning of “Es Wird Schlimmer”) aren’t all that spectacular, they only pop up a few times on the album, so one can expel them from their memory with ease.

Despite Licht being a great, catchy, fun listen, there’s no denying its commercial, non-metal tendencies. As mentioned before, this doesn’t really affect how I view the album much, because these guys play with so much passion and conviction that it’s easy to ignore. HOWEVER- there is one aspect of he album I would like to bitch about, and that would be the ballads. Songs like “Nach Der Ebbe” and “Der Elende” don’t really do anything for me, because all the energy that is usually overflowing out of every single orifice of Die Apokalyptischen Reiter has been drained from those songs, leaving a lame, plodding, pseudo-emotional pile of drivel. Like those dumbass jocks you knew in high school, these guys are only really good at conveying one emotion- anger and energy- and anything else they try isn’t all that great. It’s tolerable at the very least, but it sounds worse in comparison when held up beside all the other awesome songs on this album.

Is Licht an album filled with complex, intricate music? Nope. Does it have “deeper messages” within it that you must discover through several listens and a serious evaluation of the music? Nope. Is it a dark, vicious slab of pure evil from the depths of hell? Nope. Is it an infectious, testosterone-driven album of heavy fucking metal? YOU BETTER FUCKING BELIEVE IT. This album rapes all the suicidal black metal kiddies so hard they bleed out their microscopic dicks. Recommended.

This is a strange and new place to me...

2010-07-06T21:02:00.002-04:00

Greetings! I'm new. As you may have guessed. Or not. Well, either way, now you know.
I'm SoulExtractor. I shall be known by no other name. I have been invited to write for this blog by a comrade of mine, Trigger, and goddammit if I won't write for it.

I figure it would kill some time if I told you some useless facts about myself. Here goes.

First and foremost: I love heavy metal. Fuckin' love it. Like, if the music genre had a physical form I would make sweet, passionate love to it. Get in the way of my metal and you're a dead man. (I say man because I know no girls are reading this because girls aren't allowed on the internet.) My favorites of the subgenres are black and power, but I dabble around the whole spectrum of metal as well. Favorite bands include: Agalloch, Blind Guardian, Dismember, Katatonia, Sepultura, Insomnium, and Gorod.
Other genres worth listening to are dark ambient, post-rock and progressive rock. Maybe a bit of jazz. Everything else sucks. Period.

I'm a pseudo-intellectual, pretentious asshole because I'm better than you. I tend to be a little "off-key" and "spacey" at times, even though I don't have ADD. Also I often make ridiculous analogies that go nowhere.

That's pretty much all I really feel like saying. Anything else you want to know about my character, you'll eventually find out as I post more shit.

This should be an interesting way to kill time. Let's see how it works out.

Nobody Puts Out the Fire

2010-07-04T23:24:00.000-04:00

I was feeling rather cynical today, so I wrote this. Yes, it is poetry. It's kinda long, but I'm relatively proud of it. Enjoy. Or don't. Either way is fine.

Nobody Puts Out the Fire

The world is burning
Terrorists drop H-bombs and F-bombs overseas and on the streets
While government pigs and corporate rats make their peace with war
Sell-outs plan buyouts to boost our cocaine economy of quick fixes and slow deaths
While switchblade diplomacy has its way with the world
But nobody puts out the fire

Phisherman cast their lines into the silicon ocean
While surgeons dive in to find the secrets of aesthetic deception
The unwashed masses chase the neon sunrise in our world’s twilight
While the upper echelons plot your demise while begging for your attention
They use attack ads and smear campaigns to pollute our minds
And send out salespeople to negotiate for our willing surrender
But nobody puts out the fire

Citizens lay their hands on the table to pick up their weapons
While friendly fire rains bad luck and indecency on innocent children
Their mothers hide behind lies and pornographic memories
Using the past in the present to find false hope for a real problem
But the truth is guarded with machineguns and optimism by the overlords and underdogs
Who will do anything for your support except that which is supportable
But nobody puts out the fire

Federal leaders scream allegiance to whoever’s holding the wallet or the gun
While their political disc jockeys turn tables and burn books
And throw money at failing industries with captains who refuse to go down with the ship
We see what they want us to see and live inside their green screens and barbed wire fences
The puppetry behind the scenes remains undiscovered but not unsuspected
But our attention is divided by the glowing televisions and shining stars
Pop culture crams disbelief and lies down our throats, and we’re coughing up delusions
But nobody puts out the fire

Yes, the world is burning
The ignition switch was flipped in an autocratic decision by our collective lack of consciousness
While the fuel is our regrets and misgivings, fattened by the words of our gods
The world is burning
But nobody puts out the fire

***

Well, hope you liked it. Feel free to comment on it if you want.

FREEEEEDOOOM!

2010-07-01T21:33:00.000-04:00

So, it's July 1st, and as you can probably tell, my posting has been less frequent than would be intended. That being said, since it's now summer and I don't have to go to school for two months (cue rampant cheering) I'm hoping to be doing some more. As it stands, everything's been going great, and I'm hoping to be able to bring in all kinds of different content to keep people up to date about what's going on. I'll try to make it a habit to post about once every one or two weeks or so, just to keep things simple. Keep checking back for new posts!

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and All That Jazz

2010-01-01T23:28:00.002-05:00

Please don't be confused by the title. Not that I have anything against jazz music, but I doubt that I'll ever write about it here. If you feel that you can no longer read this blog because of that, well, that's your choice.

Anyway, as the part of the title that makes sense implies, Christmas has come and gone, as has New Year's Eve. Ahh, 2010, it feels like only a few days ago that it was 2009. Moving right along, I've reaped some spoils from this yearly bout of shopping, mainly a camcorder, a couple video games, and an awesome Nerf gun. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the socks, pajamas, etc., but I think those are almost standard gifts. If you don't get socks on Christmas, either you don't need them, or they were forgotten (as time goes on, generally the latter).

Just to do a recap on current events, after a mildly rushed Christmas morning, we (as in my family) flew out to beautiful -30 degrees Celsius Manitoba to visit relatives. After visiting everyone at least once, but sometimes twice, we stopped at my aunt and uncle's house to get one day of relative rest and relaxation before the wild party that is New Year's Eve. Unfortunately, not much partying was done. Believe me, I wouldn't have minded staying up until around 4 in the morning, at least if I didn't have to get up at 6 am to get on another plane.

As it was, however, we got on the plane in Winnipeg, flew to Toronto, waited an hour, and then flew to London. With all the travelling to airports, from airports, and between airports, not to mention eating, we ended up getting home at about 6:30. That's over twelve hours later. Great start to the new decade, huh?

That being said, 2010 does look like it's going to be fantastic. Media-wise, we've great movies like Avatar and Sherlock Holmes already out (word is I'm going to see Avatar soon; I'll get a review up ASAP), and many more awesome movies on the way, plus, there are tons of games on the way for all consoles. More specific to me, the economy seems to have bounced back substantially, and I'm looking at doing some investing. How, what, and when are all questions I'm still asking myself. To top it off, I'm thinking about getting a job in the summer.

In other blog-related news, the gift of a camcorder has led me yet again to the idea of video posting. I think I'll at least give it a try, but first I have to get used to all the camcorder's settings, judge the video quality, and figure out a way to film a video of myself (tripod? cameraman? ....quantum physics?). If I get videos out and put them on YouTube with links, that should provide some more readers (plus, there's gonna be a link on the family website). If I get enough people reading, I may be able to put in a couple small ads and make some money, maybe enough to start some contests or something. That's just specualtion, though, so we'll have to see what 2010, and the rest of the decade, holds.

Best of luck in the new year!

Back and Forth

2009-08-22T19:40:00.002-04:00

Well, I'm once again debating about starting video posting. I now know that there's more than one person reading this blog, plus if I post the videos on Youtube I could get some readers that way. Right now, I really don't know what I'm gonna do. I'll probably just wait until school starts and then decide, because right now I've got work to deal with, so I'm kinda busy.

Anyway, if I do post any videos, you'll be able to find them here or by going to my Youtube account at http://www.youtube.com/user/TenMinutesToNowhere. So far, I've already got two videos, which are the two parts of my last drama presentation, and I'm debating uploading the soundtrack to the game Okage: Shadow King, a nice little RPG that was trucked over from Japan a few years ago. It's on PS2, and I strongly urge anyone who's interested in putting 40+ hours of enjoyment into their life to check it out.

On that note, I guess I'm gonna do another instalment of the features I talked about before. The Video of the Week can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgzC-l_lmUU&feature=rec-HM-fresh+div. It's a hilarious Simpsons scene from the episode where Milhouse moves away and Bart becomes friends with Lisa. Ahh, Groundskeeper Willie, what would we do without you?

Unfortunately, there don't seem to be any good places to find Idiot of the Week stories right now. I contemplated taking them from the Darwin Awards, but decided against it for the moment. I'll keep looking for a new source, and you can give suggestions if you want.

Shotgun

2009-07-31T23:59:00.002-04:00

It's happened to all of us before: you're out with a group of people, and you start heading back to the car to go somewhere else. You glance at your fellow passengers and loudly call "Shotgun!" Everyone knows you've laid claim to the front seat. However, especially in cases with siblings, there can a lot of fights over the rules of calling shotgun. I felt it was time to lay down some guidelines; you can follow 'em if you want, but all I know is they seem to make sense to me.

Okay, first off, rules for when you can call shotgun. Shotgun may only be called when at least one of the following conditions is met:
a) The vehicle to be used is in sight
b) It has been decided to return to the vehicle, and the group is in the process of leaving to the vehicle
c) Notification has been received and given to the group that someone will soon be arriving with a vehicle (i.e. a taxi)
If shotgun is called before any of these conditions have been met, the first person to point out the error will be awarded shotgun. If nobody notices the error, the caller receives shotgun.

Rules for Challenging Shotgun
Once someone has called shotgun, another person can take their privelige from them by completing any of these steps:
a) Calling "Blitz". Once blitz is called, all those wishing to obtain the front seat must run to the vehicle. The first person to touch the vehicle is awarded shotgun. Note: Blitz must be called immediately after shotgun is called.
b) Pointing out an error in the calling of shotgun if one occurred.
c) If the caller attempts to open the passenger door while the driver is unlocking it, causing it to remain locked, the first person to point this out before the driver successfully unlocks the door is awarded shotgun.

That's all I can think of at the moment, but feel free to post some of your own shotgun rules in comments and I'll add them in!

Calling All Readers

2009-07-02T23:51:00.002-04:00

Okay, I'm cool with posting more often. I want to post more often. I wouldn't mind continuing the features I outlined in my previous post. I'd even be willing to start video posting, considering I found my digital camera. But before I do all that, I'd need to know that there are at least a few people actually reading this. I'm gonna try and get some people to keep reading the blog, but in the meantime, if anyone who does or would be willing to read this from time to time could just comment on this post, so I can keep a sort of running tally of the numbers, that would be great. If I can't get enough people, then I regret to say that Ten Minutes to Nowhere will be closed until further notice.

New Features

2009-05-25T19:03:00.002-04:00

As of now, every Friday, I'll post a link to the Video of the Week, generally from Youtube, and a story about the Idiot of the Week, generally from FML (fmylife.com).

Although it's a Monday, I may as well post a link and a story just to get things started.

The Video of the Week for right now can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2kJZOfq7zk. This is a video of one of my favourite sports/martial arts, parkour (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parkour) and some crazy flips and crap being performed by some epic guy. If I could do stuff like that, I would never do anything but that.

The Idiot of the Week this time is someone who left a party after drinking a bit and decided to drive anyway. That alone is enough to qualify him for this honour, but it gets worse. The guy got pulled over, presumably for driving like someone who's drunk, and frantically grabs a bottle of Listerine to wash away the smell of alcohol. Why he keeps a bottle of Listerine in his car is beyond me, but those of you who know what mouthwash is made of will be laughing right now. Anyway, the cop gives the guy a breathilizer test, and he soon realizes that the main ingredient of mouthwash is alcohol, after measuring a 2.37. Seems he should check the ingredients next time.

Well, that's an example of the stuff you'll see every Friday!

Star Trek Review

2009-05-21T17:44:00.002-04:00

Okay, I've so far been unable to find my digital camera, so here's a text review of the new Star Trek movie.

I'll just say right off the bat, this movie is awesome. If you aren't a Trekkie, odds are you'll still love it. If you are a Trekkie, well, you probably don't even have to read this review. Go watch the **** movie. That is, unless you're one of those Trekkies that always criticizes inaccuracies and commonly says stuff like "Spock wouldn't say that", in which case, seriously, grow up. No one likes a selfish loser who nitpicks at every minor detail.
Moving on to the actual movie, I just have to say the casting was great. The chemistry between main characters was spot on, and Scotty was cast brilliantly. Hats off to J.J. Abrams for this one (I never thought I'd say that after Cloverfield, but that's just my opinion)!
This movie focuses more on action and less on science than the original Star Trek shows/movies. You get to see more epic battle scenes, more running and jumping, more shooting, and even Sulu fighting somebody with a katana. Yeah, I know. It's awesome.
As I said, they did tone down the science a little, but the movie is still a little confusing. One of the main components of the plot involves time travel, and the complicated laws surrounding that can be a little hard to follow (I think there may even be a paradox or two). The best approach is to not try and figure out how the stuff happened, just be happy that it did.
That being said, I'm a little disappointed in the plot. Don't get me wrong, it was fantastic, but it seemed a little more straightforward then I had hoped.

Overall, I thought it was an awesome movie, and would gladly go see it again. If you've got a couple extra hours and some money to spend, go check it out; you won't be disappointed.

Video Posting Delayed Indefinitely

2009-05-18T18:15:00.002-04:00

Unfortunately, I've had to postpone the shift to video blogging, as it turns out the camera I have simply isn't good enough to maintain the image quality I want. As I seem to have lost my digital camera, I'll have to look for it, and, if I find it, video posting may begin. I'll put off a review of the Star Trek movie for a few days while I look for my camera, but if I don't find it, I'll be forced to continue posting in text.

Videos Starting Soon!

2009-05-18T15:20:00.003-04:00

Yeah, it's me, Trigger, just posting to say that I will be switching to video posting and you can expect the first video to be up either later today or tomorrow, depending on how soon I can get it recorded and uploaded. This first one will mainly be an introduction to the format and the features (which will include the Idiot of the Week, Recommended Youtube Videos, comments on the news, and other assorted things), with a review of the new Star Trek movie (advanced notice: it was awesome, and I'd love to tell you all about it, but I'll try to keep all spoilers out).

I've yet to make a decision on how often I'll do the videos and whether I'll still occasionally maintain text posts. It all depends on how the first few videos work out. Also, I've received word from my cowriter, Skippy, that he is still interested in writing for the blog, but is temporarily not posting, due to the fact that his life "is so boring". I'm sure we can all identify with poor Skippy.

Well, keep checking the site for updates!

Switch to Video?

2009-05-12T18:22:00.003-04:00

I may be switching to doing video blogging (vlogging? I refuse to call it that), depending on how some things in the near future play out. I'm not sure what it'll be like, nor am I sure if it'll work, but I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Keep watching for further details.

As my cowriter, Skippy, seems to be on an indefinite vacation from posting, I suppose you'll have to deal with me for a while. Here's hoping you survive.

About Me (Trigger)

2009-05-08T23:32:00.006-04:00

I just realised that, despite the fact that I've been randomly doing posts for a few months now, I've never really given a formal introduction. So, even for those who know me, I'll give a short list of facts along with the answers to some random questions.

Name: Mitchell
Occupation: Student
Age: -153,768,856.4
Favourite Food: Pizza
Favourite Colour: Blue
Favourite Sport: Parkour (search on Youtube/Wikipedia if you don't know what it is)
Favourite Music Genre(s): Alt. rock, and rock in general
Favourite Music Artist(s): Rise Against, The Sleeping, +44, We Are Scientists, and many, many more.
Favourite Movie: Accepted
Favourite Game System: PS3 (woot!)
Favourite Games: Persona 4, Battlefield: Bad Company

Why did you choose the display name Trigger? Because it's random and I'm random. In all honesty, there is a deeper reason why I picked it, but that'll have to be revealed some other time, if at all.
Why did you decide to make this blog? I had way too much time on my hands and decided that I should probably do something semi-productive.
Where did you come up with such an interesting (cough, cough, stupid, cough) name for your blog? Truth be told, I always thought it would make a good name for a music album, but decided it would probably be more realistic to use it for a blog instead.
I extremely dislike your blog. Well, that's not really a question, is it?
Fine. Why must you fail so epically at blog-ness? I know you are, but what am I? Wait, that doesn't make sense.....
My dead cat Scruffy could make a better blog than you, and, in fact, has (www.deadcatzrule.com*). What will you do if I continually bombard you with harassment and/or petty insults? I'll find you, rip your head off, and feed it to orphans. 'Nuff said.

Well, now that this round of cheerful conversation is over, I'm beginning to remember that it's 11:45pm! Crap! I'm tired! Hurray! Why am I still typing this stuff?!?! Okay, I'm officially done typing for now.

*For all you people stupid enough not to realise it, this is not a real website. Sorry to crush your hopes and dreams.

Technology

2009-05-08T16:37:00.002-04:00

I'm currently writing this from my iPod Touch, while listening to music, texting a friend, and playing games on my computer. Why am I not posting from my computer to increase convenience and productivity, you might ask? Screw you, that's why.

As that last bit may have told you, I'm having a bit of a bad day. It also may have told you that technology is becoming more prominent in society than ever. People are always talking on their cell phones, listening to music on their iPods, shooting people with their lazer beams...okay, maybe not that last one, but you get the idea.

How is technology progressing so fast? When will we reach the point where we can't develop anything new? I honestly don't know. Maybe we should all just take a while and think about that.....screw it, I'm bored, let's go play video games!